On the "break".. needs advice
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On the "break".. needs advice
| Wed, 08-31-2005 - 3:00am |
Ok well my boyfriend and I decided to break up after 19 months because recently things became "distant and routine" he says. Well The break up talk began two weeks ago when he mentioned it and then says "Well, I thought about breaking up with you, but then I remembered all the good times we had and I just can't let you go". After this talk, we decided to try to make more of an effort to be with each other. It's hard because we have conflicting schedules and there's almost no time for us to be alone together. Well, things were going well throughout the week but I kept thinking in the back of my head how he mentioned that he was thinking about breaking up with me. It was bothering me so I was like "we should probably talk about things again". Well It was last Saturday when I decided to take the initiative and do it. I felt much stronger, wasn't crying..(i could tell he was) and it made me upset but still didn't cry until he said "I think you'll actually have to let me go tonight, because I don't think I can do it this time". AFter that, I was crying for the next two hours, and i was like "do you think we made the right decision?" he thought it would be best to take a break. Well the next morning, I had to work, hadnt talked to anyone since, thinking i'm over it, i went to work, 10 minutes into the shift i started balling and I had to leave. Called up the ex and said, "did we make the right decision?" anyways, he told me to come over and talk later that night..it felt great being there,and after a few hours..I couldn't resist, I said "DO YOU WANT TO GO OUT AGAIN??" and he had to think about it for the longest time that I started crying again. he's like "it feels like the right thing to do, but I think we should try going on a few dates first". So ever since Sunday night I've been trying to stay calm about it, here and there I start crying out of nowhere. We used to talk all the time on the phone, now he only calls right before he goes to sleep and we still say "I love you"to each other. Im not sure what he really wants. Ever since his 21st bday things haven't been the same. I haven't been calling him because I feel weird about it since he basically turned me down the other night. I feel like I messed up the relationship, but at the same time, It really helped me realize how much i care about him. Basically I don't understand why he still tells me heloves me but limits the phone calls to once a day and how he doesn't want to get back into it right away. I just want to be back with him and I really haven't done anything because I don't know what to do! Should I start calling him again?

Sweetie, GET OUT! My ex and I had been together for 2+ years when we decided that we needed to "take a break" from each other and not be "together" anymore. Lead our own lives for a little while and see how it went. This supposed "break" lasted 2 months, but nothing ever changed. We were not a couple, we both considered ourselves single, but we still talked every day and still said "I love you" to each other. Things went well for a while but now I'm struggling with some major regrets. I wish we had really taken that time for ourselves to take a step back. Not have much contact, maybe once or twice a week instead of every day, and stopped saying "I love you". Because now, it's a little over a year after that initial "break" and we have completely stopped talking. We're over now and it kills me to think this might could have been avoided had we just taken the break seriously like we should have last year. It's much better to do it now than to continue thinking everything is going to be alright and be let down later. Take a step back, don't talk as much (even though I know it is SO INCREDIBLY HARD) and definitely, DEFINITELY don't say "I love you". It defeats the purpose of the break. You're both probably right in feeling that a break is necessary but, do it right. Take it seriously. Avoid heartache down the road.
Hope this helped.
Welcome!
I agree with georgiagirl... as hard as it is, you need to let go. Do not start calling him again... he's asked for his space and you need to respect that. Maybe in time you can try and work it out, but for now it sounds like the best thing for you is to be apart.
I know how much you're hurting and I'm so sorry for that. We've all been through it here and believe me, we're here for you! Take care of yourself and please vent whenever you need to. Whenever you get the urge to call him, visit here instead!
{{{HUGS}}}
Taunie
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"You get what you settle for"...
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"You get what you settle for"...