On a break or breaking up?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
On a break or breaking up?
4
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 11:21am

Oh wow, this is going to be a long post because so much has happened. I hope someone can give me good advice.

I started dating a great guy in September 2005 and everything was great until January this year - so we were only together 4 months. I thought that we were meant to be & everything just clicked. Then I found out that he was still talking to his ex and considering getting back with her. So I broke up with him and we didn't speak for a month. In that time I was completely heartbroken and he just moved on with his life. In that time he flew the ex in (she lives in another state) and they slept together. I was devastated.

In late February he contacted me and asked if we could talk. He stated that he wanted to keep me as a friend and I said that I would try. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Eventually we started sleeping together again, which was stupid on my part because I knew that he was still in a relationship with this ex (she lives far away, but still....). I couldn't deal with hearing about them so in March I told him that there was no way that I could move on with him still hanging around. I told him that we couldn't talk anymore. So I went 2 weeks with out talking to him at all. He was constantly calling & texting me and I did not respond.

On Easter I finally answered and he said that he wanted to work things out and that the ex was completely out of the picture. After some thought I said that I would try again with him. Things were great for the first 3 weeks. It's like we picked up where we left off - talking about marriage, kids, a house, etc. He even bought me a promise ring. But last week he started staying out late & not calling, picking fights, saying he's not sure about us, etc. Sometimes I find it hard to trust him, though we were working on that. He also told me that he has been thinking about what it would be like to date someone without kids (I have 3) and just have kids with that person. I took that as him saying he cannot accept my kids as his own. I don't understand because he is so great with them, tells them he loves them and they are very attached to him. He has thought this since we got back together and if I had known I would have never taken him back, I don't want my kids to be hurt. So I told him that we are over. He says that we just need to take a break over the weekend so he can think about what he wants and that we will talk on Monday.
I have a gut feeling that we are over but I don't know why he won't just say it instead of stringing me along. I don't want to break up. I will be devastated again if we do break up and I just don't know what to do. I truly do love this man even though he has hurt me in the past. What do you think I should do?

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Registered: 06-06-2003
Fri, 05-19-2006 - 3:28pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sat, 05-20-2006 - 8:26pm

Hey, I'm so sorry you're going through all that, rollercoasters cannot be any kind of fun at all, but the thing is, you can get off the ride anytime you want, you know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2006
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 10:06am

Thanks for replying, Sandra. You really made me see that I should not be sacrificing my own well-being (and that of my children) for him. The day that I posted this, and before I got your response, I called him and broke up with him. I figured that he would have broken up with me anyways and I do not want to settle for less than what I deserve! You were right....if my best friend was being hurt the way that I was, I would have told her to get out of that relationship right away.

I never did make him prove to me that he had changed....I just took his word for it because he seemed so sincere. He didn't want to talk about our past issues, just said that he wanted to move on to the future.

Yes, his ex knew about me....and she still kept saying that in time they would be together forever so she didn't care what he did with me. He told me that they cut off all contact when we got back together, but I didn't believe him. They have been friends/lovers for 10 years so what makes me think that they will stop just because of me? I don't want to be with someone that I can't trust.

So it is done and I am the one that ended it. That was last Friday and this week has been very tough, but it is getting better every day. I had a setback last night, but I will do a separate post about that.

Thanks so much!

K

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 1:19pm

Good for you for putting a high value on yourself and your well-being!

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