break up out of the blue

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
break up out of the blue
12
Sat, 06-04-2005 - 10:08pm

Hello all, I came across this forum in search for some advice, and a place to vent, I hope you don't mind the ensuing rant.

I am newly single as of last night...completley and utterly out of the blue. I was with him for 1.5 years...my longest relationship at 25 years young. I'm upset, angry and confused, and I detest being upset.

Got to his place after work (we didn't live together), he got home same time I did. Earlier in the day we had chatted about what I was going to pick up for supper, teased each other a bit nothing out of the ordinary. When we got home nothing seemed abnormal, until he sat down on the bed and said that we needed to talk. Immedaetly I knew this wasn't going to be good. It really wasn't even a discussion, he had already made up his mind. He told me he hasn't been happy the last few weeks, and he doesn't know why. He doesn't know if its his roommate, or his job, or if its our relationship, but he decided to make some changes, and breaking up with me was the first one he was going to make.

Needless to say, I was speechless. I asked him why he thought pushing me away would help. He retorted with the typical "i don't know"..and went on about how he doesn't like not being happy etc etc...I honestly don't remember all that was said, but his being in a funk/rut was the reason behind his decision. There was absoultely no way talking him out of it, I asked him what I was supposed to say, that he didn't give me a choice in the matter...he stayed silent. I got up, started packing my things, then had a good cry. He continued to look at the floor. I eventually came out of my mourning, and got slightly angry, said a couple things directed at the fact that I hope he enjoys his decision, and that I loved him more than i have loved anyone else...which he knows....but that all I get in a return is I'm not happy so you have to go.

I don't know what to make of it. I mean there's lots one could do other than breaking up with your girlfriend....Weekend before showed nothing out of sorts, we saw a movie, were laughing and made plans to go out to dinner this weekend, he asked me to wear something pretty....As my good male friend put it "get rid of the deadbeat roommate, move apartments, do something other than leave the one good thing he's got going for him". I can understand not being happy...especially where he is at...he has a job he hates, his roommate has the mind capacity of a 6 year old and the cleanliness etiquette that makes a pig sty look like the hilton. Coming home every day to a filthy apartment, filled with smoke because the roommate can't figure out how to open a window as its too busy with its rear end plunked on the couch gaming. He's the only one that does the cleaning, the dishes would never get done if he didn't do them (I will clean up after he and I, but I refuse to play mother to the useless roommate).

I don't know how to approach this. At all. I don't know what I should be thinking or how to reason with him....but then with all the changes he could make, do I want to have someone that would drop me before dealing with other obvious issues?

I could use a hug.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 10:27pm
you can argue with a thought but you can never argue with a feeling. there's no such thing as should or shouldn't when it comes to grief.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2005
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 9:43pm
well officially we're done and over with. I have my things back, he has his keys, I got a few things off my chest. Its evident from our conversation tonight that he's not going to change. Not for me, not for anyone else including himself. He tried to turn a lot of it back on me, and when that wouldn't work he'd start into how he doesn't know why he's unhappy and he doesn't know what to do about it. Its hard, and it hurts. I know I'm better off without him in my head, but my heart hasn't decided to go along with it yet. I hate this, it really sucks.

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