Break-up over the phone w/Message?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Break-up over the phone w/Message?
7
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:47pm
Is 'Breaking-up', over the phone "Just Wrong"?

I have been dating a gentleman for 14 months. I wouldn't say dating either; his life seems to be going 100mph, which doesn't leave much time for us as a couple. Knowing him for over a year now, I can honestly say I don't know all that much more about him. I have been to his home, but have not meet his 2 teen children. I have heard numerous stories about his ex-wife and his immediate families problems but have never met any family nor friends.

He tells me his business is very busy and that is what is keeps us apart. Ok, understandable but I'm feeling like 'the other woman", to his business. The past 5 months have been getting worse instead of better. Though I am told by him, 'pretty soon I will have more time to spend with you. That he is not trying to get rid of me and that he will make it up to me', for having any time to spent together. On average, the last 5 months I have seen him maybe 4 hours a month. Sex has never been the driving force in our relationship. (I haven't had sex with him since April. When we are together however, we are like school children. Holding hands, Hugging, Kissing.)

We continually are leaving phone messages for each other. When was the last time we spoke with out leaving a message, I cannot recall? I continue to go on about my weekends and spend time with family and friends. Though I have continually asked him to join me, I already predict that something will arise and he will not be available.

I've stopped asking. I am tired of the excuses, to the point where my feelings for him have changed so drastically. He has become a flake with: no shows, no calls, and last minute change of plans. All the while still asking me to hang-on and give it all a while longer, things are bound to change? Will they? When? I have been tolerating far too much. How do I break it off with this man? (Via message) Or do I wait and hope for the best to eventually work itself out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 2:55pm
Sorry, snow white, but it doesn't sound like there is anything to even "break off.." Your feelings have already changed, you don't actually spend any time together, and you've already indicated that you wouldn't call it "dating."

If a man really wants to be with you, he will be with you, busy business or not. Just out of curiosity, were the four hours you spent together in the last month consecutive...?

Eventually, if you stop leaving him messages, he will stop leaving you messages. You're already living your life without him being a part of it, so it doesn't sound like you'll be too terribly heartbroken.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 4:17pm
hey snow white,

Well... it's entirely up to you. You could send him a note saying basically what you've said here in your post. Tell him you are not going this route anymore. At least that would give him a chance to make things better (IF you want that!!!). Unfortunately I have noticed that the guys want to change AFTER you are sick, sick, sick of it and break it off!

Otherwise, things sound like they will just drift further & further apart on their own (as they seem to be doing). You can send him one last message for closure & be done!!! Or just avoid it and move on....

I know, not much help, huh? The choice is yours! :-) Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 5:04pm
Thanks a bunch ~

I agree with everything you said. ~

No there was not consecutive days. When it was obvious to the both of us that we were spending less time together, we tried to arrange to at least get together for dinner. It did work for a while, (2 – 3 months) until again something else took priority. The hours mentioned are approx. the 4 times we would have dinner together in a months time. (4 dinners / 4 hours per month)

I did get a day / (not evening); (Saturday even) with him in July. It was my birthday and we spent the day together. The day prior being Friday I was in the office, he had delivered a birthday cake (large enough for all employees, balloons, and flowers). When he arrived Saturday to pick me up for the day he had another dozen roses with him. He is very kind though we have not spent any real time together since.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 5:56pm
Thanks ~

I was thinking the same thing would happen upon my saying, It was over.

Either he will begin to make more time for us or I will loose him all together.

At this point, I am not feeling swayed in either direction.

I have noone lingering to take his place and I am not looking either.

I am however, not going to let it continue as it has.

I hate feeling like I am "the other woman".

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 11:05pm
Welcome to the board!! You seem like a very tolerant person….more so then I would ever be. I don’t feel he’s being completely fair to you whether it is his work that keeps you apart or not. If he doesn’t have time then he shouldn’t be in the relationship….4 hours a month???? That’s crazy he should make more time for you! I think you have every right to end this relationship. Usually I would say don’t leave a break-up message talk to him one on one…yadda yadda but since the majority of your relationship has been via messages….then I say go for it….leave a message and be done with it. Good luck and keep us posted!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 12:01pm
Thanks for the helpful advise ~

Being Tolerant ~ That is me !

To much so in this instance. I wouldn't call it being patient either.

I wish I would have thought of it that way: Most of our relationship has been via phone and via phone messages.

The oddest relationship I have ever been in; to tell the truth.

I'm not one to persue while being persued either so, just chalk this up to finding the wrong persuer. Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself ~

The ole one line'r: "I hope we can remain friends".

Thanks to all for their helpful advise. I needed an eye opener.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 3:18pm
You're very welcome!!! I'm just glad we could help...even if only in a small way. Good luck and keep us posted!!!
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