Break up Regret
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Break up Regret
|Tue, 06-18-2013 - 8:02am|
Hi all... It's been a while since I've been on the Ivillage boards, ironically, the last time was when my boyfriend and I were considering getting engaged. (We never did.) I'm finding it hard to believe I'm on a break-up board now.
The background: I'm 40, my (ex) bf is 44, so we are not spring chickens. We were together for a year and a half, we talked, more often lately, of marriage and a future with no real timeline in mind. And as of Sunday, we broke up. I need some insight, please.
Our problems are this.. He is a teacher and a coach of many high school sports. He also lives about an hour away from me. Needless to say, he really hasn't had a lot of time to spend with me, and when we does, he doesn't have the energy to help make it quality time. That is my complaint and has been since the beginning of our relationship, but I learned to deal with it. Just the past few weeks I've gotten a bit more resentful of his lack of making me a priority. It has made me very resentful of his coaching and I quit going to his games. He claims I'm not being supportive and it really hurt him when I didn't show up to a semi finals game that he was coaching. So much so, that he quit talking to me for 5 days. A bit immature for a 44 year old, I thought. I was angry.
When he finally called me, we hashed everything out, apologized and went back and forth whether or not we should try to work things out. I was really unsure at that point if I wanted to keep the relationship. He kept asking, "Where do we go from here?" and I said I didn't know, and I asked his thoughts. He asked if we should take a step back, take a couple days to think about it and I told him no. That 5 days was long enough already to not speak and figure out what we wanted. We either commit to making it work or we should cut our losses. At that point, he told me that he didn't sense the enthusiasm in me to try to fix things, and then started talking about how meet up to do the trade backs of our stuff at eachother's houses. I reluctantly agreed, as I honestly didn't know what I wanted at that point. Deep down, I don't think he really wanted to end it right then,
Fast forward to today (2 days later). I miss him terribly. I think I have a classic case of dumper's regret and I don't know what to do. It was really the first all out "fight" we've had in 1 1/2 years, and I regret not fighting harder to fix it. I haven't heard from him at all so I'm not sure if he's relieved it's over or if he's struggling with our decision, as well. I really regret not giving him the step back for us to cool off and think things over. I believe we would've overcome this. Now I wonder if too much damage has been done and maybe it's too late. I guess I'm looking for some insight. Should I contact him? Wait for him to contact me and if he doesn't, count my losses? I'm not even sure if I was the dumper or the dumpee. Basically, I want him back, to be honest. Is that even possible after all this? I have no idea how he's feeling.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate any comments and advice.