Break Up Regrets - What R Yours?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Break Up Regrets - What R Yours?
15
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 11:24am

I recently broke up with someone which i was in a TOXIC relationship with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 11:36am

Yep, said that it doesn't matter what you do as long as you know that i will be here for you always.

Hugs,

 

Dbest

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 12:43pm

Welcome to the board elizabethsuzie,


Great topic!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 2:44pm

I have a doozy.


We got into a heated argument over the phone...I used the f word in refering to her kids, then I drove over to her house and left rubber in her driveway.


1/2

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 2:53pm

okay, i'm not going to say that's the nicest thing - but you see my point, people do crazy things when they are pissed...i'm right there with you regarding the control issue ove my emotions!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 3:57pm

i wish i hadn't talked to him afterward & just had let things go until i was rational again. :(


even though it felt right at the time to tell him what i was thinking, he didn't deserve to know.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 4:26pm

good topic.


i believe i acted maturely and in a caring manner even after he broke up with me (i offered to be there for him, help him with what he was going through, etc.). some might argue i was too giving to a person who just broke my heart.


i have strong regrets about the leadup to the breakup though. i wish i'd been more understanding about his needs earlier. we'd been butting heads about our relationship (long distance and i wanted us to reunite asap no matter what, while he wanted to pursue an opportunity that was best for him career-wise and financially). by the time i budged, it was too late. all during this time, there was the typical strain from the distance and we got into some minor fights that did no good at all.


i learned to speak up, but maybe should've censored myself a bit. and i know he should've spoken up a lot more.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 4:36pm

Losing my cool. Precipitating the breakup over a fight rather than doing it in a calm and thoughtful manner and at the right time. Took me quite a while to forgive myself for coming across like that.


Sometimes I regret not doing it sooner. If I had I'd likely be over it by now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 6:19pm

Whoa, y'all. Unless you puposely and with malicious intent mistreated someone, abused them, took advantage of them, something along those lines, let's reel the guilt in a little ;)

Reason I say that is because EVERY relationship is an opportunity to learn something about ourselves. What works, what doesn't work and noticing those things that trigger certain reactions and behaviors in us. We learn to pay attention and avoid the bad triggers, and embrace a good ones. That accumulating knowledge and experience is what you carry forward with you into the next relationship, hopefully to make each one better than the last.

Beating ourselves up, even in the most minute way by referring to things we did or didn't do as 'regrets,' is really not going to help.

Replace the word "regret" with the word "LESSON" or "OBSERVATION" and notice how much better and clearer that looks and feels.

Great topic, just don't beat yourselves up, not even a little. What's past is past, move forward knowing better, that's all.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 7:56pm

Great topic,


I have so many regrets i dont know where to start, but i will just list my biggest LESSON that i have learnt from this break up.


I will never apologise to a man when he has hurt me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2007
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 11:28pm

The biggest lesson i have learned from my past relationships is that you need time after a break up before you can contimplate the friends thing. I will also never do the ex sex thing again as it leads to major issues being raised and more heart ache. As for my biggest regret that would be the fight me and my ex had in which i had broken ribs and minor head injuries and he ended up with a broken arm.

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