Break Up Regrets - What R Yours?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2006
Break Up Regrets - What R Yours?
15
Wed, 10-31-2007 - 11:24am

I recently broke up with someone which i was in a TOXIC relationship with.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 10:25am

i don't think it's guilt, i think

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2006
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 2:01pm

I regret letting him do & say horrible things to me & then

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 2:14pm

The same thing happened between my ex and I(we were living together though). He wanted to get more established with his job up here (which meant long hours), and I wanted to invest some time in the relationship. We didn't have any major arguments, but we kept butting heads over the same things over and over again. By the time we found some common ground, it was over, and he moved out on Sunday. I haven't seen or talked with since, and part of me is still hoping we can work it out (my ex told my Principal over the phone he loves me a lot, but my ex hasn't called me yet), but I'm also being realistic and focusing on getting my life in order. I still have moments when I feel like crying, but I just have faith that whatever is meant to be will happen.

hugs, lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 11-01-2007 - 10:51pm

I can understand the embarrassment, but regardless of whether it's that or regret, ultimately it's wasted energy. Energy put to better use by feeling good about yourself, which is why I don't agree with the self-name-calling. The two are in direct contradiction to each other, you will never have one while doing the other. Don't call yourself names, you don't mean them, and if you keep saying them, you'll eventually believe them. Stop feeding into it, stop feeding into the embarrassment, stop feeding into the negative and hurt feelings by hurting yourself that way. Acknowledge what didn't work, and then move ahead knowing what not to do in the future.

Go back to the Four Agreements, and read the part again where it says not to take things personally, which is what you're doing, devuchka, if you're giving merit to his words that result in you feeling badly about yourself, or raising his importance by worryng abut whether his coddling his own guilt or not. His feelings about himself (or even about you) are immaterial in your life now.

Your life is meant to be lived by you for you. So each day ask yourself if what you're doing, saying, thinking, or believing in that moment is what's going to create the very best for you. I think you'd be surprised at the answer.

Good luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 11-02-2007 - 1:28am

weeelll. In terms of just things I'd wished I hadn't done - some mindless ecarding and begging could have been eliminated.

But funny thing is I'm starting to come around to the idea that the break up was a good thing, not just because he was a twerp at the end (and kinda during), but because it was a starting point for a lot of things I'd forgotten or didn't know about myself. I feel more focused and more thoughtful now than I'd ever been before. I like me better now.

Plus, I've met a lot of really wonderful people here.

all the best

- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your

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