Breakdown last night

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2004
Breakdown last night
2
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 11:56am

I have done the NC with my ex and we have since resumed talking again bc I thought I could handle and was ok with us just being friends. We broke up because I wanted to be something serious, and he pretty much didnt want that--didnt want a gf. So here I am, about 4 months since we broke up, we talk pretty regulary, he calls me when he is on the road home, and we im back and forth pretty regularly too.

My problem is that is has now been a year since I met him. We were in a class together last year at this time, in fact I remember meeting him last year on the first day of class. So pretty much today is the day when he came into my life pretty much, and now a year a later, im alone. I couldnt sleep that well last night, kept tossing and turning, feeling my heart ache, and on the verge of tears. I hate feeling this way, and I have moved on since him. I dated a guy for a few weeks after we broke up, and I kissed another guy too before Christmas. But nothing serious since him. But now that I have seen other guys, I cant help but compare them to my ex, and it gets me thinking that I miss him soo much and want to be with him. Its hard because I am so used to talking to him several times a day, and now its about once a day or so.

We had our ups and downs just like any other couple, him more dealing with an ex from a previous relationship who refused to leave the picture...it was horrible. I felt like I came in 2nd with her. And I still worry that they might try to get back together, but I know I cant dwell on it and I know I am a better person than she will ever be.

Just with these stupid holidays and remembering last year has taken a toll on me, and maybe I am better off without him, but I am more miserable without him as well. I miss him calling, holding me, having someone to cuddle with at night, just all that...I want that back!!

A part of me thought taht maybe devsiing a plan to get him back would be good...like me pretending to have a bf for a month and telling him about it since we are friends, and then a month later me and "my bf" would be having problems and I am able to go to my ex and have him help me, and then I tell him that the only one i want to be with is him. I know that sounds far strethc, and maybe it is, but I am the point where I know I love him, and that I need to be with him.

Whats a girl supposed to do when a man breaks her heart?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 3:17pm

Hi,
I really feel for you - certain dates, and the holidays in general can really be an emotional trigger. Everyone has setbacks, but you don't go all the way back to the beginning, just a little ways, and you will be able to move forward again.

You might consider going back to NC. While it seems like contact puts you close to him, it also hurts you. I know it's really hard, but it will help you move on. You don't have to date other guys right now - it's totally normal to compare them to your ex, and of course no one you just met can compare to someone that you know very well.

Try to think about what you really want, and whether he wants (and is able) to give that to you. From what you wrote, it doesn't sound like you're on the same page. So better to move on. But I know it hurts, and it's never easy to get over someone.

Hang in there-

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Mon, 01-02-2006 - 6:50pm
Holy moley..I could have written this one..I too started some casual dating and have had one man that I kissed (well two but the first turned out to be an idiot so it does not count) and well, I keep comparing. I cannot seem to move on...Sigh..it's too early maybe?