The Breaker Up But In Pain

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
The Breaker Up But In Pain
3
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 6:40pm
I have come out of a very up and down relationship. I initiated the majority of the break-ups we had as I felt that I was giving far more than I was getting. My partner seemed so emotionally cold the majority of the time, could not pick up the phone to ring me ever, rarely complimented me yet was happy to do so to towards other people. However, I was crazy about them so I took them back each time they were upset as I was as well as I could not bare to part from them. The final break-up was a while ago...I felt okay after a while to begin with but I have suddenly hit an all time low and feel thoroughly down. I have bad nights of sleep, loss of appetite, rarely smile and just dont know what to do. I am staying away from drink thats for sure. I just cant concentrate on anything and dont really feel like doing or saying much. Any advice would be most welcome, I have to get out of this horrible patch! I feel like I have completely lost the plot. To make matters worse my two closest friends have just recently got into new relationships and hardly have any time to hang out with me as they are so loved up.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 8:28pm

I know how you are feeling, in one respect glad that you finally put an end to a relationship that was going nowhere but on a continual rollercoaster. However, on the other hand you miss what could have been, or even the good times that you had in the relationship. I'm going through something similar myself, but each day i'm getting stronger and more self-assured, and so will you. I also initiated the breakups..all for good reason, and thats what you need to remember... "Emotionally cold partner, gave more than you got". Your ex wasn't good or right for you and you deserve more, so much more! A partner who respects, cares and is considerate of you and your feelings is what you deserve, nothing less.

Give yourself time to get over the left-over feelings. Write letters about how you feel, write them as if you were talking to your ex but don't send them. Try and take everything from the relationship as ammunition to make you stronger, knowing more of what you will and will not accept in the future.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 3:44pm
Thankyou for the advice. Not feeling quite so bad today, guess if I keep myself busy and force myself not to dwell I will be okay. Will consider your writing idea the next time I am feeling down again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 4:14pm

No matter if you did the breaking up or not, there is grief when a relationship ends. It takes time to go through that process - the 'if only' and 'what ifs' including grieving for what might have been, for what you hoped would have been, and/or what could have been.