Breaking up
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| Wed, 05-04-2005 - 4:39pm |
I decided that I have to break up with my bf. We still love each other, but it is the kind of situation where nothing is "wrong" except it doesn't feel like we are "right" for each other. No one is mad...nothing like cheating happened, etc.
Here is my question...I am confused how to do it. We have plans to go out and right now we have plans for dinner. Do we go out to dinner and talk over dinner? Would it be horrible to talk about it before dinner...or even more horrible to wait to talk until after dinner?
I know that he knows it is going to happen. We have discussed concerns, etc. I just don't want it to look bad and don't know if this is something to do before dinner and let him choose if he actually wants to go...or have dinner and then talk.
Any ideas? Has anyone broken up with someone when no one did something to make the other person mad? When both people still love each other?
Thanks,
Jen

Hello, Autumn,
My boyfriend and I decided to go our separate ways in March and we were in a similar situation. I thought we were going to be engaged, but after dating for over five years, he couldn't say that's what he wanted and I knew I needed to go. We both love each other a ton, even now, but sometimes love just isn't enough. It's mostly bad timing in our situation because we're both very much committed to our careers right now (we're in our mid twenties).
I sort of knew it was coming just as your boyfriend does, but I'm actually glad that my boyfriend didn't have this conversation with me over dinner in a public place. Breaking up with somebody, especially when you've been in a long, committed relationship, is an extremely emotional experience. There is guaranteed to be crying from both parties as well as some anger, a lot of questions and who knows what else. If you insist on going to dinner, I would not break up with him before or during, I'd wait until you get home afterwards. But quite frankly, how enjoyable will dinner be when you know what's going to happen as soon as it's over. If I were you, I'd cancel the dinner and tell him hou need to talk.
Good luck!
Thanks. That is very similar to our situation. He's been married before and has 4 kids. He says he wants to get married...but not now. He says he would have another kid or two...if his future wife wants them. I don't know. I guess I would like someone who YES would like to get married and YES would like to have kids with me. :-) My head is finally up out of the sand. We've been together 3 1/2 years.
I know him...and so I know he will want to eat dinner even if I do this before. I guess one last time for us to be together. So, I guess I am unsure...since I know he'll want dinner anyway...
Unfortunately having dinner in isn't possible. I live at home right now...so theres people around. He lives with his kids (100% custody). So, out is the best bet.
Thanks again!