Breaking up after 10 years
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Breaking up after 10 years
| Tue, 11-15-2005 - 12:39pm |
Hi everyone. I have a pretty unique situation and I just really need some help. My boyfriend and I have been together 10 years--yes, 10 years. We've gone through rough patches over the years, but mostly due to my diligence and patience, we always made it through. We lived together for two years shortly after meeting, and then he graduated from college and entered a profession that requires traveling. He's made decisions over the past few years that have taken him very far from home. We have not even lived in the same state for the past 3 years, and right now he is living over 2000 miles away. I've seen him 5 times in 2005. Pretty much everyone who knows us, sees me as a martyr, and they don't understand why I would put up with him moving around so much and being so far away. He has had a strong aversion to marriage over the years, and we're in our mid and late 30s. Friends would bring up the topic and he would get incensed that they were trying to impose their values on him. Here's the big issue: A few weeks ago, I met another guy that I really feel a connection with. We met through a mutual friend, and the attraction was instantaneous. I told myself that it was only physical and tried to stay away from situations where I would see him. But he kept seeking me out. He knew I was in a relationship, but he honestly feels that there is a reason that fate has thrown us together. This is not a situation where someone just says the right things because they want to have sex with you. I have found myself falling for this person and doubting that I am in love with my boyfriend who lives so far away. I have told my boyfriend about my feelings--I felt he deserved to know. I think that I need to give this other relationship a chance--I can't just ignore the fact that I'm feeling a strong emotional and physical (even though we haven't had sex) connection to someone else. I feel that the distance in our relationship has caused us to become more like friends and less like lovers. But my boyfriend is in serious pain right now--he is confused and bewildered and I feel terrible. Am I doing the right thing? I don't think it's fair to stay in a relationship out of habit, and just the fact that I am feeling so emotionally attracted to another guy has to say something negative about my current relationship. Please help!

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Hi wannaheal,
Thanks for your input, I really appreciate it. I'm feeling better about the way things are going. Wednesday night was rough; my bf called me and determined that it was ALL over. I had tried to say that I needed this break to see what I really wanted. He wasn't having any of it. He told me the "door is closed." And now he wants to come get the few things he has at my house over Thanksgiving, and he doesn't want me to be there. Then he tried telling me he has had a ring for 3 months now and was just waiting for the right time to give it to me. I think that was just to hear my reaction, and that there really isn't a ring. I know him better than that. Anyway, it's been rough. But I hear what you're saying about the rebound thing, and believe me, I am proceeding with caution. But I also do believe that sometimes the timing of events in our lives doesn't really go according to plan, so we'll just see what happens. Either way, this has made me a stronger person and I know I'll be fine with or without someone beside me.
Thanks again!
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