Breaking up after 4 and Half years
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Breaking up after 4 and Half years
| Mon, 07-23-2007 - 6:46pm |
Well, what can I say, My boyfriend of 4 and half years ended it last Thursday. He's my college sweetheart we met our freshman year and now I'm a graduate student. I would have to say he was my first serious relationship and I guess I'm really hurt because there isn't any really closer to what happened.
It all started two weeks ago when after another fight, I went to therapy and discussed the fact that he had pulled away from the relationship and I was beginging to think that he wanted out. So my therpist suggested couples therapy where we could open up and maybe he would come out and say what was really going on in his head because he wasn't telling me. So I called him and suggested the couples therapy and he said no, and I decided that maybe we just needed some space to evaluate what we both wanted so I told him that we needed two weeks away from each other, he in response said fine and then hung up.
Now that night, and not calling me, he showed up to my apartment. Of course I thought it was talk, nope instead him and his bother came with boxes to get his stuff. I then had to stand in front of the door and make him say that we were done, and he did with a strait face. Well, about 2 hours later, he called regretting what he had done, saying he thought we were done and thats not we wanted. I in response said the only way we could get back together is if we did the therapy, he started to get other hobbies and get out of the house. ie: new friends. He agreed and it seemed that maybe we could come back from this, however, at times he seemed like he wasn't sure if this was really what he wanted. So this last Thursday we were talking at lunch and he told me that him and his father had been talking about us, I then asked him what his dad said. His Dad said that "I bring nothing to the table." Now what does that mean, to put this in perspective, his parents have never been mean to my face, nor have they every really got to know me. His family has money and they are on the upper class side, me on the other hand am putting myself through school and living on my own with out the help of my parents. So when his dad said it, I wasn't really surprised, but what upset me was that I wondered what my Ex had said in response at this point we had to go back to work so I waited until I got off work. When I got home and called him, I had one question for him and that was what did you tell your Dad after the comment about not bringing anything to the table, he said " He agreed, and all I bring is problems" and then said never to call him again and he hung up. This is what I get after 4+ years, I mean we fought but never really that bad, I feel like there was more good stuff, then bad, so to end it this way, hurts so much. It would be different if there wasn't that love for him, but how he handled it all, I mean I know that he's 23 but still, to end it because of his parents hurts. I know what I should be thinking and I know I should be so angry which I am, but how do I make my heart stop hurting so much. I dropped off the rest of his stuff at his brothers and I put the things he gave me in the closet, and I even deleted the pictures off my computer of us. I just wish my heart would stop hurting so much, I just don't know how thats going to happen when I miss him so much already, the moments we could of had. I just don't know how he could have thrown them away. I guess its the answers I need and I know I wont get them but how do I deal with that now?

Welcome to the board adenafirestorm84,
If he thinks as his father does that 'you bring nothing to the table' - then he's not worth your time.
Start No contact first. The beauty of GRaduate studies is that you get to choose the amount of work that you do. I would throw myself into my research.
As for him..well. There's not much I can say. My ex's mother was a lot like that. Not welcoming but not especially fond of me either, but apparently he let out that she said a few not so nice things about me, so you never know. We ended it because he'd been talking to his relatives about me. The bottom line is that I personally think at 23, he should be able to assess the relationship on his own, abeit with some imput.
NOBODY stays in a relationship with you for 4.5 years when you bring NOTHING to the table. And even if you brought nothing, it's something he'd have brought up with you before. The fact that you loved him and were willing to work it out is a big chunk on that table already. Don't let what he said get you down. I won't tell you to forget about him, but don't forget, either, all the things you bring to the table. Love, commitment, respect, willingness to work things through, and on and on.
Stay Strong