Breaking up and staying friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Breaking up and staying friends?
14
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 8:26am
I had been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years when he broke up with me on monday. We were each others first loves, and we lost our virginity to each other. We were best friends before we went out. We are 18 and came to the same city for uni in september so we could be near each another. He says he wishes he hadn't hurt me but we fought too much and it was making him unhappy, so he just wants to be single for a while and focus on his studies. I am heartbroken. I saw him on wednesday and he comforted me in a way that none of my friends are ever able to. He just knows how to make me feel safe. He hugged me, kissed my forehead and lay on top of me because he knows how safe it makes me feel and I told him I was scared. He says he wants us to be friends, best friends even. He said we have 3 choices, lose each other completely which he said would be very sad, be what he calls 'crap friends' or a normal friendship, or be best friends 'like us'. We still care about each other alot. I still love him, he says he does love me but not enough to be unhappy, and he never meant to do this but now he can't go back on it. He hates how upset he's made me. He cried went he thought we wouldn't stay friends or that I hated him. I cry all the time. Tomorrow he's coming over for lunch to discuss everythign and see where we stand, he says its my decision whether I can be his friend but he really hopes we can be. I don't know what to say. It'll be very hard to see him but I think it will be equally hard not to. And he's been the person I'm closest to for so many years. Also he has a little brother who's 2 and a half who I would miss terribly, I love him like my own sibling and I'd hate to never see him grow up. I know that sounds weird but its true. I don't want my ex to not be a part of my life, I care about him and his family too much. But is it possible to stay friends with someone you still love? Has anyone does this? Can I get over him if he's still around? He said maybe we'll get back together one day but not now, and nothing is definate.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 1:25pm

For some people it's really difficult to let go of their first love, the attachment to the person and all that they represent in your life.

I totally agree with post #11 from mdrsfr.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 3:51pm
Hi. Issa. I couldn't agree with you more. I too am going through something very similar. We had been dating since we were 16 and 17. We are now 21 and 22. After we broke up a few years ago, we decided to still be around eachother to try and work it out. But yesterday, he told me that he lost feelings for me, but still loved me. I don't even know what that means. He says that he hopes that one day we can be friends because I mean the world to him. But I just don't think I can do that. So, I decided to not keep in contact with eachother. I'm a wreck! He was the love of my life and had planned our lives together. I even cried about it at work today. How embarrassing. Well ladies, I hope you can deal with it better than I am.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Wed, 11-02-2005 - 9:41pm
Hey, thanks for replying violet. Aww it's ok to cry, don't worry i've done it pretty much everwhere this past month. Sometimes I can't help it, but its good to get it out, since i never really got to get it out with him, which is probably better. Lately I have been doing fine, keeping busy and such. But my heart still hurts, and i know i am still hurting because i feel like things are still so unresolved. But I know better than to bring it up with him, its just going to push us farther apart. I think eventually we can be friends, and hopefully you will too. We just both need some time and space to fully heal from this. It seems like its going to take forever, but slowly taking one day at a time it will feel better i hope.
Take care,
Issa
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2005
Thu, 11-03-2005 - 8:40am

Thanks for your reply Issa. I feel the same way you do. But I don't know that I will want to be friends with my ex even when I do get over all of this stuff. I feel that maybe if I see him or talk to him, my feelings will come back and since he doesn't have them for me, it would be a disaster. You see, I've never in my life stayed friends with an ex boyfriend. What makes this even harder to get over, is that I feel like it's my fault.

Thanks again for your response. It's nice to know at least that I'm not alone.

Lina in NC

Pages