Breaking up with a big guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Breaking up with a big guy
6
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 2:58pm

Hi. I was separated in October and met a guy in November. We sort of hit it off and of course things progressed really fast. Within 2 weeks he told me he loved me, wanted to marry me and wanted me to have is kids. At the time, I was desperate for emotional contact that I believed I felt the same way.

Now, I see these scary things about him. He get's really angry over stupid things. His anger results in him screaming and kicking things. He's 6'4 and 240 pounds, so that makes me wonder if he's going to scream and kick me at some point. I believe that we are not compatible and my gut is telling me to end this quick. I have no clue how to do this because I am afraid that he will come here and get violent.

Any advice?

Thanks.

D

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 3:40pm

Hi, I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation! The most important thing is to do whatever you can to stay safe.

I would send him an email letting him know that you decided you do not want to continue to see him (normally I would say that you need to break up in person after seeing someone for several months, but given the circumstances, email is fine). And I would also go stay with a friend or family member, or have someone come stay with you. At the *first sign* of any angry outbursts on his part (whether it's a nasty email in response, a phone call or whatever), file a complaint with the police.

Good luck, and let us know how you are doing. Jumping in so quickly is almost always a big red flag; sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 4:18pm

I have his car and a cell phone he purchased for me. Plus he bought all sorts of gifts for my kids and me. I am going to call him when he's on the road and I think I'll go away this weekend with the kids so I don't have him coming over and harrassing me. An email will infuriate him. God, NEVER will I do this again :(.

Thanks for ur support!

D

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 4:41pm

If you choose the going away option, I would still have someone come and stay with you (have them BE there when you get home) for the following week at least, just in case.

And I'm assuming you are planning on dropping his car off at his place while he's out of town or something?

Sheri




Edited 1/16/2005 4:44 pm ET ET by northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 7:26pm
I will be notifying the police, but i have NO ONE to stay with me. He's already calling me and instant messaging me cuz he senses I'm dodging him.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-16-2005 - 8:18pm

Well, in that case, be VERY careful when you return home. If you see his car there, or anything makes you uncomfortable, drive to a police station rather than chance it.

And in the meantime, I'd also arm yourself with information about DV hotlines and a nearby shelter, *just in case*. Hopefully you won't need the info but it will help you to have it. In fact, you might want to call a hotline and get their suggestions for how to handle the breakup.

Best of luck, and keep us posted!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2005
Thu, 02-03-2005 - 1:49am
Yes leave him, it will only get worse.I am in a similar situation, and i am leaving the guy i am with because of his anger(and size).It's really scary to see a huge man get mean and crazy,we are women we deserve men who will act like real men,not monster's.Break it off in a polite mannor.