Breaking off engagement - help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2006
Breaking off engagement - help!
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 3:30pm

Here goes...
I have been with my Fiance for almost three years. we have been engaged for a little under a year and plan to get married in three short months. Throughout our entire relationship, I have felt that I love him more in a friend way than lover or soulmate. He is a wonderful guy, would be a great husband/father, but I am not attracted to him. We never went through the "honeymoon phase" as they call it where you are as excited as can be to see each other and passion is flowing. Passion has been left out of this equation for quite some time. I thought it was my lack of desire, so i went to the doctor, went off of birth control (sometimes causes it) and went on an anti-depressant. This didn't help, and the lack of desire and lack of intimacy or affection on my end has been going on for about 1.5 years now. It is not fair to him to be with someone that does not love him the way he loves me. I do not want to enter into marriage and still feel this way 5 or 10 years down the road and divorce. I have been miserable for quite some time, and truly need to find myself and am going to call off the engagement. I am so scared of how this will hurt him, he is sensitive, and even though we've discussed the issues we have several times and we've "worked on them", they never seem to get better. He does not have friends outside of me, and claims he doesn't need them. I do. I need my alone time, I need a circle of friends, I need to be able to go out and have a good time.

We built a house, and I am worried about what to do with all of our possessions. He is such a great guy, but there are many qualities that he does not possess that I need, and I do not want him to completely change, as we will always end up back at the same starting place. My parents say they'll support whatever decision I make (calling off the wedding) and i know the time that lies ahead will be a VERY hard time for both of us, but I am ready to feel passion, I am ready to be attracted and desired and want to be independent and have friend time, I'm just not happy. Basically, how do I break it to him gently AND most importantly, who moves out? Who sells the house? I'm so confused. Do I list the things I am not getting out of the relationship or no? Please let me know asap!