Breaking up with him tonight

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2006
Breaking up with him tonight
3
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 2:15pm

I have been with my boyfriend for 2-1/2 years and we have lived together for the past year....

He is a wonderful and caring man, but he is not for me. This has become perfectly clear now that we live together - we argue all the time, driving each other nuts. His little habits make me want to scream - I am at the point where I look forward to him going somewhere, anywhere without me so I can have some time to myself.

I don't have any of the BIG reasons for breaking up - cheating, beating, boozing, etc - I just feel that we are completely incompatible in the "relationship" sense. I am planning to break it off tonight, and I feel guilty because I don't know how to say that it's just us and not anything specific that he's done really wrong. We moved in together way too fast and I am regretting it every day. I have tried to talk to him about all of this and it is basically ignored, so this isn't anything out of the blue.

If it wasn't a cohabitation situation, I wouldn't feel as bad. However, I am the only one with the financial ability to maintain the current apartment...meaning HE'LL be the one moving out, and enduring all the hassles that go along with that.

How do you tell someone that it's just THEM and YOU that's the problem? That they're driving you nuts and so they're getting kicked out and broken up with? This is his first serious LT relationship so I know he's going to take it hard...Help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 2:29pm

hi meg

i know its hard for U and esp for him...BUT ARE SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT...WHY DONT YOU THINK IT OVER FIRST AND MAKE SURE IS THAT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. I MEAN YOU MIGHT REGRET IT LATER. RIGHT

GOOD LUCK

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 2:31pm

I would not get into specifics and any "blaming" language. Just stick to, I've realized that we are not compatible/not right for each other/not a good fit.

With respect to the apartment, IMO the right thing to do is give him a certain amount of time to move out (say, until May 1, depending on how easy it will be for him to find a new place given the state of your local rental market) and you go stay with a friend or relative during that time period (but of course continue to pay your part of the rent). There are few things worse than breaking up with someone and forcing them to endure your presence. Don't do that to him.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 4:58pm

I agree with Sheri "I would not get into specifics and any "blaming" language. Just stick to, I've realized that we are not compatible/not right for each other/not a good fit."

But be prepared, at some point his ego will want to know specifics and you may be asked 100 questions.


Carrie