Breaking Up With The Nice Guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
Breaking Up With The Nice Guy
1
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 11:51pm
First, a little backstory... I have been with my boyfriend for a little over four years, and living together for three. We just got engaged last month. We were friends first, having met at work. Early in the relationship, I had some doubts about us, but let them go and we were fine for a while. Then the doubts would pop up again, but again, I worked through them and we were okay. I think I've always known in the back of my mind that we're not really right for each other, but we treat each other very well and used to have fun together. He's a great guy, but we just don't click anymore. He's a couple years younger and it shows. I've learned that we're more different than I thought. There's also no passion there, after many failed attempts at rekindling it, and I've grown tired of trying. I have decided that before I even think about marrying someone, I need to rediscover myself and found out what I truly want and need out of partner. The problem is, he really is one of those "nice guys" and I don't want to hurt him. So, I don't know how to do this. Also, I'm completely dreading the whole situation with him having to move out (my name is on the lease because I was here first). I feel really guilty that he'll have to find a place to live and all that. I really just don't know what to do here. Anyone been through this? How did you handle it? Thanks....
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 11:56am
Please give serious thought to the fact that you are hurting him more by going along with the charade that you are in love with him and want to marry him!!! The kindest thing you can do for him is set him free to find someone who truly loves him.

Sit him down and be honest with him...you don't feel the two of you are right for each other and you know you do not want to marry him. You don't need to (and shouldn't) get into specifics...that's unnecessarily hurtful.

Depending on the rental situation where you live, I'd give him anywhere from one week to a month to find a new place (where I live, there is a high vacancy rate, so a week would be plenty of time to find a new place). You should go stay with a friend in the meantime, since you are the one breaking things off.

The sooner you do this, the sooner he can get on with his life. Don't put it off.

Sheri