breaking up...but he won't even talk!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
breaking up...but he won't even talk!
9
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 4:28pm

Hi all...
I'm going thru a breakup right now, but I can't even get a response from him to actually break up!

I found out he was talking to another girl (in his email).. I called him crying, at work last Friday. He asked what was wrong, don't be like this, we can talk about it. He said he would email me by 5:00 my time on Friday (I asked about getting together, this is a long distance relationship).

He never emailed on Friday. Nothing over the weekend. I emailed him on Monday (nothing), called his house last night (talked to his mom, he was at work, she said she'd tell him he better call me), of course he never called me. I emailed him today 2x to try and say our goodbyes, but a)he never responded and b)I noticed my emails were both blank when I re-looked at them in my Sent folder.

What gives??? After almost 2 yrs, don't I deserve at least a goodbye?? What should I do???

thanks all...this is painful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 5:32pm
of course you dont deserved good bye but he does..actually my boy friend did that to me too ignoring my calls and making my self look stupid..until he finally answer the freaking phone and i ask him whats going on? of course he said that his to shared to answer my phone calls coz i will start a fight..we almost had a break issue that time but i suggested to cool off..seen that day i dont call him!! no contact at all even i miss him so much and until one day he call back (4 days) and telling me that he misses me..i guess men they dont want to get obligated but maybe if we give them more space and realize what their losing AND MAYBE THAT TIME THEY USED THEIR BRAIN IF THEY HAVE ONE HAHAHAHAHA!! just relax! i know it hurt right now! TRUST ME ON THIS "LIVE HIM ALONE FOR RIGHT NOW" "GIVE HIM SPACE SO HE COULD THINK" AND BELIEVE ME SOONER LATER HE WILL CALL YOU again! and its up to you if you open that door..GOD BLESS YOU AND GOOD LUCK
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 5:58pm

Of course you do...but that doesn't mean you'll get one. My most recent relationship lasted 1.5 years (mine was also long-distance), but he just disappeared on me without a word and wouldn't respond to my calls or emails asking him to have the decency to let me know what happened (our last conversation was a really positive one, too, which makes it even more baffling). It was extremely hurtful but it's been almost 3 months now and I'm doing much better and have mostly let go of the need to hear from him and at least have the chance to say goodbye.

You can't force him to talk to you...he knows you want to talk to him, and he will either call you or he won't. But continuing to call or send emails isn't going to help.

I hope he will have the decency to call you. But if not, you need to get your own closure and move on anyway (although of course that takes time).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2006
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 9:57am
Wow, here I am thinking that I was alone with the ex who refuse to call. I was in a long distance relationship too, and we broke up and got back together...at least that is what I thought but I guess he was just being friendly to get me to talk to him so he could get closure. I did and then he said we were back together but now its been three weeks and he hasn't called once. Its so hard, but I am building up a resistance daily to not have the urge to call him or email him. It was a one year relationship and really intense so its hard to imagine that he just cut me off, like I was a fling that went bad. It hurts but I will be alright.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 10:07am

I don't understand why guys do the disappearing act. A friend of mine was dating a guy and he was supposed to meet her at a park one summer day, told her he'd be at her place in an hour and just never showed. She left him numerous messages, was concerned about him, etc. and just nothing. He finally turned up months later to apologize and just say he was "going thru stuff". What BS.

Anyway, I did end up talking to my guy and had what I think is Part 1 of some break up? conversation. Part 2 is tonight (he was at work). Oh and he said he was having email issues yesterday and never got the 2 I sent. Great.

Thanks for your input though, I have a feeling the inevitable is near... and it's so hard to do this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 11:11pm
Hey Shadow, how are things going? Just wanted to check in...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Sun, 02-12-2006 - 11:29pm

Hi thanks for checking on me,
Well... I did not end up finishing our conversation from the first time. He kept working late (he's 2 hrs behind me in time), so it would be after midnight when he would get out of work. I know that's not an excuse, just saying it was conveniently pushed aside for him.

So I wrote him a one-last-chance-goodbye email on Friday. I told him I was only asking one last favor from him, to finish our conversation. I said he could at least have the decency to say our goodbyes over the phone if we couldn't do it in person. I told him I loved him, but I couldn't take this disrespect, especially after knowing him this long (almost 2 yrs).

I never got a response. As predicted.

I've been really, really hurt over this... I've been crying every day. It sucks. I'm not sure what to do, but just do nothing. I know I can't call, email, text because he's not responding. Maybe he'll turn up, maybe he won't since he's obviously afraid it'll end up in a confrontation.

Thanks for asking though, it's been really rough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 6:42pm

Hi Shadow0304,

First of all, Thank you so much for your encouraging words!! I am so sorry to hear about the e-mail. You're right about avoiding confrontation which I believe is the main reason for the NC's. They're just to "cowardly" to be a man and face up. Plus, after you've put so much into the relationship, you deserve to know at least "WHY"? I did something I should have not done, I called him on Saturday, of course, he answered the phone, I guess he had just arrived in North Carolina. As usual, he was evasive with the conversation and lo and behold came his famous quote, "I'll call you, later!!" I guess my real trial is tomorrow it's his B-Day, as well as, V-Day!!. I been doing pretty good so far, i didn't call on Saturday night or Sunday. I'm pissed with myself because all the crying I've been doing and girl, I've even popped a blood vessel in my right eye! That was my wake-up call!! I can't let him have this kind of control me. All my friends are totally shocked because normally as they say, "I am known for kickking you to the curb!" But this time, I really tried to be the loving, supportive mate and look where it got me.
I ask God to help me on this and I know I'm going to be O.K. because I can't give up because I come to far with my life. You really what to laugh.... the last time we were together (intimately) his sister who's a minister called out the blue and told him he need to read a Bible scripture. So we got the Bible, found the scripture and it stated how people in general would be on the last days....like lovers of themselves, boastful proud, unforgiving ... I guess his sister was trying to tell me something. But, Shadow it's sooo hard and I feel your pain. Just take one day at a time and I continue to pray for ya!

Take care

Sheri2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 8:36pm
I'm so sorry that you are hurting so badly. I know you probably don't want to hear it, but things will get better with time. Keep posting. We're here for you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 9:46pm

No- I DO need to hear these things! And I thank everyone on here who has directly and indirectly offered advice. It helps so much to read everyone else's stories, what they're going thru, how they're handling it and especially telling us/me there is some sort of relief if you just let time do its thing.

For the first day in 4 days today, I actually felt a tiny bit better. I made myself go to the gym (bargained with myself and only did the x-trainer and not the treadmill). I stopped and picked up groceries (been putting that off). I'm trying to take advantage of this moment of clarity because I know it's temporary and rare right now! It doesn't mean I won't cry later.

Thanks for being here, really! It means the world to me.