Breakup blues

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2007
Breakup blues
4
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 12:35am
I broke up with my b/f of 1.5 years about 3 weeks ago. We didn't see one another very much, once or twice a week, and it seemed we didn't have much to say when we did. During the month of May we had a few disconnects. (a few is a lot when you only see each other once or twice) We weren't making time for one another. If I had plans he wouldn't change his to be with me and visa versa. I did it because he was doing it to me. I thought he'd realize I wasn't always saying YES to everything he'd want to do and make more of an effort. Instead, he put forth less effort! I say yes to what he wants because I'm happy to try new things. Even more happy to spend time with him. A week before we broke up we had a talk and he told me he loved me, and did want a serious relationship. We broke up on a whim. I asked him to go to my friends wedding and he said he wouldn't be able to get off work. It's in August! I broke up with him soon after he said that. Anyway, I was devastated when the words came out of my mouth, 'I think we should break up", but I felt I had no choice. As soon as I left his place, I was a sobbing mess (of course I fought this until I got in my car). I sent a text that night and called 3-4 times the next day! A long period of weakness. I just wanted to talk, ask for a break and not a break up. I couldn't/can't stand the thought of not having him around. I would do anything for a hug from him. He made me feel safe. We didn't even hug before I left. :( I want to know how we could be together for so long, and he just never speak to me again. He never returned my call(s). I know I'm in denial because I believe he loves me, and is upset that I suggested the break up. But it's been a little over 3 weeks of no contact. What does this mean?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 2:26am

cabrio-cutie:

3 WEEKS OF NO CONTACT IS JUST THAT!

Pianoguy thinks you 'jumped the gun' too quickly, but you can't retract something you've already said.

Wait a week...then head for the local snail mail card shop and pick out a humorous, but sincere card that isn't MUSHY or GOOEY! If you can find something that indicates 'I really put my foot in my mouth this time'---that type of card might be perfect!

Write a short note inside indicating that you REALLY miss him and would like to renew your friendship! Then mail the card and wait to see if you get a response!

Here's the most important thing:

DON'T EVEN MENTION THE WEDDING IN AUGUST!

Let him bring up the subject if he wants to, but otherwise...keep your mouth shut and make plans to go by yourself!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 2:50pm

I think, as hard as this'll be, you need to give him some space before you contact him again. If he was starting to push you away, then it's possible he was thinking about ending it himself. If you take a step back, you might also realize that the relationship wasn't all you have it made up to be now.

He might not think your desperate attempts to try to patch things up is all that attractive. I think you should stop contacting him for a few weeks, let him forget the multiple calls, let him cool off, and try a phone call after you have decided that you really want to make things work out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 8:14pm
Thank you for your advice. I absolutely know I made a fool of myself, and I'll have to deal with it. I won't contact him... Maybe in a few months, but not any time soon. I'm just shocked that he didn't call. If not the day after the break up, at least by now. Just to say hi. I thought he cared a bit more about me. I think you're right though Krismae... I think he was pushing away, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was relieved that I suggested the break up. I absolutely hate not having a friendship after a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 8:47pm

I understand where you are. I think if he didn't want this break up he would contact you- i think your having typical break up regret. Everyone feels bad in a breakup, its never easy. I agree with the last post that maybe he was thinking about it also, especially if you weren't seeing each other that much, but it turned out your the "bad guy"

I would say try to move on. Each day will get better and if he comes back, be very skeptical and careful before you do anything to get yourself hurt again

keep us posted, we're hear for you! hugs!