breakup with coworker.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
breakup with coworker.
8
Sat, 11-03-2007 - 9:37pm

Has anyone had to deal with getting over a relationship with a coworker?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 12:11am

Hi purdue2003,


If he's only interested in you at work, I'd wonder if he has a girlfiend waiting at home for him......


There have been a few people that posted their stories about breaking up with a coworker, hopefully they will post when they read your story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 8:17am

It sounds as though he keeps winning you over to thinking he will call, and you give in and act interested in him. Am I correct?

If work is this difficult at this point, it would be only worse if you continued to see each other outside of work and then broke up. Keep that in mind next time you start hoping he'll call.

Make it clear to him that you have decided you definitely don't want to date a co-worker at this point and stick to your guns. When he sees that you're serious, he may start calling you outside of work, but don't give in to his games. When he calls, don't talk to him. It may take some time but eventually he'll see that he's not getting anything out of this game and give up.

When you have to work with him, keep things strictly business. If he continues bringing up how interested he is in you while you're working after you've made it clear that you're not interested, then that is sexual harassment. Let him know that if it doesn't stop you will be reporting him for harassment. If he continues after you've told him that, then go ahead and file a complaint with human resources or with a supervisor. Let them know that you have continually told him you are not interested, that he won't stop pursuing you, and that it is interfering in your ability to work.

I would already start documenting at this point every time he brings up how interested he is in you, in case you need to file a complaint against him later. Make sure you tell him "no" each time from now on so that he can't say it was something you wanted when it comes up for review later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 9:36am
I can really appreciate where you are coming from.. I too just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 8 months, and we work together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2007
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 12:00pm

I know it's tremendously difficult to find and start a new job, but I'd really recommend it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 7:16pm

You are right in that he wins me over, making me think he'll call...and then he never does, putting me in this stupid cycle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 9:40pm

Yup, I was there, and feel your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 10:30pm

Good input to you from everyone. Definitely read and take to heart the post "How to Handle Breakups at Work." I wrote that from my own experience and because so many people at the time on the board were breaking up with coworkers and they had no idea what to do, so I wrote down what actually *worked.* Odd how things come in waves like that.

Anyway, not to be crass, but it doesn't seem like he was as into/aware of it as you were, and if you never saw each other outside of work I'm just wondering how much of a relationship it could have been? As soon as you said no outside contact, I thought, "He's got a girlfriend." You might consider redefining your interpretation of "relationship."

At any rate, you don't have to give up your job if you don't want to, just don't put yourself in certain situations. Especially from your description, I think giving up your job over this would backfire on your psyche. I like my job a lot, I'm exceptionally good at it and it pays the bills nicely, I'm very grateful to have all that and really don't want to have to give it up, especially for some guy. The man I dated at work for a while (abt 6 months) still works where I work, and he's actually dating someone else at work now. IT DOES PASS, I PROMISE. You've got to do your part, though, follow those suggestions I wrote in the post. I see them now and feel zero, zilch, nothing, nada. Everything's incredibly fine. He even donated a nice chunk of change to my charity half-marathon fundraiser, so there you go.

You can do this, and yes, like your last post suggested, definitely there are better guys, relationships and treatment out there than what you've been settling for. It doesn't matter that you didn't feel deserving of them before, what matters is that now you do, so let's put action to those thoughts, the rest will follow right in place.

Good luck,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2006
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 4:16pm

Thanks for your advice and input!