breakup - good or bad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
breakup - good or bad?
4
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 5:11pm

Hi Everyone,

I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 months about 4 weeks ago. We didn't have any huge problems in our relationship, and I feel like I loved/still love him, but I just felt like I wasn't totally "in love" with him. I knew there were some things that I wasn't so thrilled about with him - sometimes I felt like he was kind of distant, kind of unresponsive when I would talk about some stuff, but all in all, he was a great guy. We always were comfortable discussing our problems, etc, and have never really had any big fights.

The other main problem why we broke up was that my family seemed to have issues with him... there was never any big confrontation or anything, but they never really accepted him wholeheartedly, and it has been made clear that they aren't too supportive of our relationship.

I guess now, I just miss him so much. I keep thinking about all the good times that we had together, and missing that time with him, knowing that we won't be together in the same way anymore. I've never had a real breakup before.... is this usual, or should I be reconsidering us breaking up? Any advice/encouragement would be appreciated.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 6:22pm
I think you need to explore the reasons you broke up with him. See if you feel they are valid. Whenever I have broken up with someone I always end up with doubts, but when I sit down and really think about it I realize that it is for the best. It is just a matter of determining if you had valid reasons or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 8:09pm

Ya, I mean, sometimes I feel like they are valid reasons, but then other times I think maybe I was giving up something really good, and that maybe we could have worked things out...

It seems like it is just so hard to get a clear answer from your head/heart...

Any other thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:20pm
You did not really say what the valid reasons are, but I will tell you if it has anything to do with him changing then you need to realize he won't. If it was something that you felt you were not compatible then you might truly have made the right decision.
Do you know why your family did not accept him? I know that after I have broken up with people that is when everyone was honest with me and pointed out reasons why I should not be with him. I used to think maybe at first they were just telling me these things to make me feel better about breaking up, but when I sat down and thought about it they were right. I can look back even now and say they were right.
A relationship is hard work but when someone is not happy and they are having doubts that is when you know that it is even more difficult.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 10:59pm
As long as you made the decision for you and not for your family it was the right thing to do.
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