is this a breakup or not??
Find a Conversation
is this a breakup or not??
| Mon, 07-26-2004 - 6:50pm |
My BF and I broke up, I think, Saturday night over the phone and IM. He is in SC right now, and I'm in AZ. When we go out at night, we have been calling the other person when we got in to tell them we're home, yada yada. Well, when it came to be 3, 4:00 out there and he didn't return my initial "I'm home!" call, I started thinking bad things, like he's cheating, and I got angry. He finally called at 4:30am his time...left a message telling me he had left his phone at the hotel and just gotten home. Bars close there at 2am and he said he went to breakfast, so I was like, what? A 2 1/2 hour breakfast? I called him back with an attitude and we got in a fight. We were both drunk. I don't even really remember what we said, but he said he'd get this things from my house when he got back. Then we got on the IM and I tried to soothe things over, and he was just livid with me, saying he didn't need me to "check in" on him, or vice versa.
We've gotten into a couple of minor fights before, especially when he's drinking, and he usually calls me the next day and says he overreacted and we're ok. Well, that didn't happen this time. Was still really mad on Sunday and told me that maybe we'll try again when he gets home, and to just let things be for now.
I had been in SC with him a week prior for 10 days. It was the first time we had really ever fought...and it happened a few times. Put some stress on us...and most of the fights were over my insecurities. I found that he had looked at a personals profile on the computer...turned out to be someone he had a one-night stand with before me. He said she was still in his buddy list and when she logged in the day before he wanted to see who she was because he didn't remember. Got into a fight about a ton of girls' names still being in his phone. He erased them all and then showed me. Obviously, I don't feel secure with this man...and have always second-guessed his love for me, especially when he's on the road and I'm out of sight. Since we said "I love you" last month, things have gotten worse.
I believe he is so mad at me right now because he wants me to trust him and he knows I don't. He said he can't do this anymore. I know everyone is going to say that without trust, there is nothing. But I don't know how to get over this...especially when he's not here. I want to talk to him again, but know I shouldn't, and I haven't tried. I'm so used to talking to him a few times a day..don't know how to keep myself busy right now. I keep hoping he'll come back this weekend and patch things up with me.
We've gotten into a couple of minor fights before, especially when he's drinking, and he usually calls me the next day and says he overreacted and we're ok. Well, that didn't happen this time. Was still really mad on Sunday and told me that maybe we'll try again when he gets home, and to just let things be for now.
I had been in SC with him a week prior for 10 days. It was the first time we had really ever fought...and it happened a few times. Put some stress on us...and most of the fights were over my insecurities. I found that he had looked at a personals profile on the computer...turned out to be someone he had a one-night stand with before me. He said she was still in his buddy list and when she logged in the day before he wanted to see who she was because he didn't remember. Got into a fight about a ton of girls' names still being in his phone. He erased them all and then showed me. Obviously, I don't feel secure with this man...and have always second-guessed his love for me, especially when he's on the road and I'm out of sight. Since we said "I love you" last month, things have gotten worse.
I believe he is so mad at me right now because he wants me to trust him and he knows I don't. He said he can't do this anymore. I know everyone is going to say that without trust, there is nothing. But I don't know how to get over this...especially when he's not here. I want to talk to him again, but know I shouldn't, and I haven't tried. I'm so used to talking to him a few times a day..don't know how to keep myself busy right now. I keep hoping he'll come back this weekend and patch things up with me.

I have just read your story and I justwant to warn you! Your instincts are something that you should listen to! I was in this relationship and I was also very insecure, looking back now, after a long long time I can see that it wasnt me that was the problem (as he makes you think also : you are the insecure one, you're the obsessed one, etc, etc) but it was him. In the period that I was so jealous it turned out that I had the right the be, although he didnt cheat on me at that point yet, he cheated in the end (of 4,5 years). And you know, WHAT was he doing at that time, breakfast? bullsh*t, probably...sorry to say, but COME ON!
I understand you feel the need to talk to him and I think you should but not over the phone or IM but meet up somewhere neutral maybe and talk about it, express your anger (without shouting preferably;))
Anyway, be so careful with this guy, it sounds like ONE OF THEM and dont let him control your feelings or make you feel insecure, because of HIS actions!
Good luck
Samantha
After he yelled at me for my need to "check in" with him that night, he said he went to 2 bars, and then the buddy he was with wanted to go to a strip club. They don't close at 2am, supposedly, and he said they left before it closed. Then went to breakfast. I, in fact, believe him about this. But I don't understand why he didn't bring his phone like he usually does...maybe because he knew I'd call?? He went to a strip club out there a few weeks back too...didn't tell me about that until I was out there. So, he's not telling me these things to avoid confrontation.
What I don't understand about his sudden "I can't deal with this any more" is that we have not had that many bad incidences. 3 or 4 when I was out there, and this was the last one. He has had a few "incidents" with me in the past, too. Such as when I didn't call him for almost 2 hours after getting off the plane when I came back here to AZ after visiting him. And when he went in my message archives a few months back and saw that I had had a brief conversation with another guy (totally harmless). He admits he overreacted, BADLY, in both of these cases. He has such a short fuse! It scares me sometimes. But just 3 days before he told me he had had enough of the drama, he offered his reassurances to me, without my even asking, over the IM. I'm going through some financial situations with an ex-boyfriend, and he told me to not worry about us, that we are fine! So, what the hell was all of this???
All I can think of is that his ex-GF of 2.5 years acted the same way I did...never really trusted him, and he's just sick of trying and doesn't want us to be fighting every single moment like they used to. And when you're doing the LDR most of the time, it's even worse. For both of us girls to be this insecure with him...I hope to think that HE is doing something wrong, and it's not just us.
Pam