Broke up 1 hr ago- not doing well

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Broke up 1 hr ago- not doing well
13
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:06am
Ok, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 yrs 1 hr ago and am not doing well at all. In fact, he is sleeping like a baby in the other room (we live together, by the way), and I am on the couch drinking vodka, crying, and trying to decide what to do with my life. Help! I need some support!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:22am

Hey there...I'm only on day 5 of my break up (after 8 years). We lived together too but he's at his parents place. I'm not doing very well tonight at all and came on here to try to find something to help.

I saw your post and thought I'd reach out to say someone is here and understands exactly what you're going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:32am
thanks, i appreciate it. I am a blubbering mess. i have to be at work in 7 hrs and cannot stop crying! i just tried to read the do not call your man article posted in this blog site, but it mad me cry so hard i was afraid he would wake up and get mad at me all over again. i am wishing that we never moved in together. i just can't see how i will get over this. how are you doing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:40am

The no contact thing is so hard. Especially since there are things we need to talk about because his things are in the apartment. But if I'm honest with myself, the only reason I want to talk to him to is figure out a way to change his mind. I called tonight...I tried really hard not to, but did it anyway....and it just broke my heart again. I want so much for us to work this out, but he isn't interested. He says he needs time to find himself again, and he doesn't mean days or weeks....so that means I have to find a new place that I can afford on my own.

There is this weight on my chest that just won't go away, I can't really eat, I can't really sleep, and the crying is exhausting.

Everything I've read says to be around supportive people that care about you, but at 1:30am there aren't a lot of options. There should be a 24 hour breakup chat room on here for those of us who need it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:47am

i know what you mean! this is quite possibly the worst feeling ever. i just finished writing him an e-mail, which i swore to myself i wasn't going to send. that it was for theraputic reasons only. of course, i sent it! now i feel like an ass again. ours was really rough for me because he basically told me he just doesn't love me anymore. ouch!

i can relate to the whole calling thing. when i was sending my e-mail i thought that it was just to get things off my chest. but, looking back at it, it was totally a pity-party, beg him to take me back, pathetic note. i am almost embarrassed, but at this point am thinking that maybe it will work (i know it won't). the worst part about all of this is that we are supposed to be leaving for europe together for vacation on wednesday and i bought the tickets. i am either out $599 or he needs to change his mind!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:57am

I'm so sorry to hear what his reasons are for the break up. Mine says he still loves me...which doesn't make it any easier, and it makes it so hard to understand and accept.

My brain *knows* it'll get better....my brain *knows* I'll be ok eventually.....but my heart wants it all to fast forward to that moment because sometimes the pain is so bad its hard to breathe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 2:04am

You know what else....I'm so scared.

I haven't been "alone" in 8 years. I've NEVER lived on my own before. In many ways my life was all set...and now I have no idea what's going to happen. It terrifies me to think that I have to leave my home and find somewhere new that feels like home.

And another thing...

his family was my family....and they were all taken away in an instant. I just don't know how to handle not seeing any of them again.

They say to have people around you to support you and comfort you when you cry. But what if the only person you want to comfort you is the person that hurt you in the first place? Maybe I shouldn't feel that way, but it is. I want him to hold me while I cry and for him to tell me everything will be ok.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 2:35am

Hi ladies! I'm trying to keep track of both of your situations.

Skittles, girl, if you work tomorrow it's probably better to quit drinking or you are going to have a hang over tomorrow. I don't know about you but hangovers are a whole lot harder for me than they were years ago. I'm pretty much useless the day after I drink. Also, both of you will be ok. We need to remember that we lived our entire lives without this person who just broke our heart. We know how to live without them and be happy. We've done it before and we can do it again. Also, since he broke off the relationship it sounds to me like he owes you $599.00. It's not your fault he needs time and isn't going on the trip now. That was his choice. This is just my opinion but it sounds to me like he needs to take responsibility and accountability for his choice. He chose to end it so he should pay for the ticket. It was HIS choice! Why should you pay for it. Mmmm mmmm! No, no, no! Plus, now you have to move so you'll have your own expenses to take care of. OR maybe he has to move. You guys will have to work that out. But don't feel bad for his financial situation. Shoot, my ex from years ago bought my living room set. I WAS supposed to make the payments on them but he cheated on me and got the girl pregnant. I didn't pay them. A couple years later we were still friends. He asked me about the couches. I said, "what about them. I have them and you pay for them." He asked if I was serious. He had already paid them off. I said, "That's a**hole Tax as far as I'm concerned. You weren't worried about me when you screwed me over so I didn't worry about you. Now my current ex just bought me this new laptop that I'm typing to you on. :) I will pay it. The first payment was due in April. He has Stellar credit. You probably won't think it's very nice but I'm not going to pay it till the next payment is due. He hit me where it hurts. I told him not to make me angry. I don't stalk him or anything but when he ever pulls his credit report, he'll remember. This was his choice, not mine. Not my problem. He should of thought about that the other two times he broke up with me and tore me apart. When he almost broke my spirit. Now here we are the 3rd break up. I'm pretty angry now. SO, just my opinion but don't be his doormat. I don't think you should have to pay for anything for HIM! You need to worry about and take care of yourself. That's what he's doing. You'll be ok. I promise. I'm on here everyday trying to keep my fingers busy so I won't dial his number. Read all the resources in the Resources section at the bottom of the page. They really do help!!!!

Hang in there, love~!

Till




Edited 5/11/2007 2:40 am ET by mstillie_n
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 2:36pm
Okay, why did you break up with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 5:12pm
As for going to Europe this coming week, as hard as it will be, I would take someone else with you or go by yourself. I know you couldn't bare the thought of it because you were going with him, would do tours with him, would try restaraunts and do all touristy things with him. But 'eff' him! If you can find the courage to go on this trip, you can have the courage to do anything. Going on this trip would be hard, but think of it this way---the hardest part of going would be actually convincing yourself to go. Once you get there, you will be distracted by everything around you. And then you can almost look forward to going home because the hardest thing about all this was making yourself go on the trip. You're over the hump. And when he finds out you went without him, he'll feel like he was punched in teh stomach and slapped in the face. Think about how good you'll feel and how proud of yourself you'll be by taking the trip. I say that you go!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2006
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 5:15pm
I think that this post was not meant for me, but for the original poster.

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