Broke up 1 hr ago- not doing well

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Broke up 1 hr ago- not doing well
13
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 1:06am
Ok, I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 yrs 1 hr ago and am not doing well at all. In fact, he is sleeping like a baby in the other room (we live together, by the way), and I am on the couch drinking vodka, crying, and trying to decide what to do with my life. Help! I need some support!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 7:18pm
Thanks, everyone, for all of your support. Like Miish said, it is so hard when the one person that you rely on for support is one who hurt you so much. I am feeling a little bit better in the light of day, but I am pretty sure that tonight is going to make it bad all over again. I haven't seen him since he left for work this morning. When I got home he wasn't here. No note, no call, no nothing. This is going to be really hard to get used to.
So, tonight I am going to go out with my girlfriends. I have a good friend who is in a very different, but even more stressfull situation, so we are going to go let loose together and try to forget about our worries for the time being. I don't know what is going to happen when I get home tonight. If he is here I am just going to cry and wish that I could go jump in bed with him. If he is gone I am going to cry and wonder where he could be and who he could be with. I think that the best thing right now though is just not to talk to him, not to see him. I need to concentrate on supporting myself and finding the strong, resilient woman that I know I am. I am not going to lie, I am hoping deep down that when he sees how cool and collected I can be about this whole situation he is going to wonder what he was thinking by breaking up with me.
The worst part is that nothing big happened. No catastrophic event, no reason. He just got really distant for a couple of days. When I was persistent about asking what was wrong he finally just told me that he doesn't love me anymore.
To all of you ladies who are going through the same thing- we need to be strong together. Even though it might feel like our lives, our friends, our families and our loves has been taken away from us we are still US! No one can change who you are. No one can make you not exist. No one can stop you from participating in your own life. We do that to ourselves, and thus we make ourselves miserable. So, everybody go find a friend, grab a margherita, and flirt with the waiter!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sat, 05-12-2007 - 12:46pm

Hi! Just wanted to say - hang in there.

I went through the same thing you did a year ago. Exactly a year ago. Right now, last year, I was absolutely devistated, because my ex wasn't so nice to me about two weeks leading up to our breakup (which will officially be a year ago in 5 days) so I had a terrible knot in my stomach for a good two weeks.

I always wondered if in some time I'd be able to come on this board and offer up some advice, and I'm happy to say I can now, even though it's a bittersweet feeling, because I know the pain you are going through. I just want you to know you aren't alone, and YES things do get much, much better. You will have days when you feel great, and you will have days when you feel terrible. Your emotions will change from time to time during the day as well. I found that when I was going through my breakup, if I was around other people, I did fine, but as soon as I got home alone, I started to get upset again.

The other thing that helped me was posting on this board.

Keep your head up girl!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2007
Sun, 05-13-2007 - 12:36am
hi i;m in the same horrible boat with a little twist i've been with my boyfriend for 51/2 years and lived together for the past 4. we live in hi sfriends house see we picked it out and were going to do a lease option since our credit due to past divorces is bad.. well he told her about it and she said oh well he;s charging you all way to much in interest so she bought it outright and we pay her.. well he owned his own music store whihc hasnt been doing well for a long time and he;s really really tried and i believe in him so i stood by him and tried to hold down the house by myself which was fine with me we love each other and should back one another up well i lost my job 2 months ago and i loved it sooooooo much it nearly killed me i decided to go out on my own( i'ma pet stylist) stresses really added on when my pay was gone and starting on my own is slow but getting a little better... i thought since i stood behind him he'd do the same he still says he believes in me and loves me.. but last month we were lste on the paymetn and he came home and said he gave her part so i assumed he made arrangements well 2 weeks later she sent a letter addressed to just me saying pay me by nect week or find a new place.. she;s like a mom to him so its only me that got the threat.. i tried to give him it to give to her he said no and thats when i found out she already called a realtor and was selling this house and hers and the 2 of them are going back where he's originally from in indiana ( we live in florida now) see his family is all there and since she's a mom figure to him there all friends but they dont like me because they love his ex wife i've never even met any of his family since they're older and dont travel this far.. well we stayed living together until last 4 days ago he said he couldnt take me taking mean to him yes i made comments but i'm hurting and i regret being like that but cant help it.. he packed up and moved out.. so no wi'm alone here with 4 kids every penny daving to find a place to live no sleep i havent eaten in 3 days, not just upset but i only have 300 saved and need 2500 to move so i cant afford food right now i'm scraping change to feed my 4 kids crying all day. on june 1st my kids and i are homeless until i get enought together to move i'm sending them to thre dad for june and 1/2 of july for summer break so my dogs and i will have no where to go . the ac broke here so the heat is unbearable i mean the place needs so much work and we've done alot already i took so much of my taxes to put into this place and now there gone and i'm on the street.. and heres the ending i love him i know he's going through alot that store was a lifelong dream of his and its gone now he's so far in debt he cant see straight and add his family is getting older and he thinks he should be near them so out i go .. he tells me he loves me still adn always will and also doesnt know how to deal with th epain or if he can ever live without me.. so how am i supposed to survive this be homeless and find a way to get a home for my kids when they get back..once i leave here i'll have jsut my car to sleep in so computer use is gone and i need advice before that happens... i feel so useless to everyone even thought jsut end it all while the kids are gone i mean what kind of mother cant put a roof over her kids heads????? i have no family and few friends but financially they are in no position to help and i know that my kids and him were my whole world and thats what i loved about it i wanted us to be as close as could be a bond that couldnt be broken but its all gone now and i cant survive all of this thrown at me at once..

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