broke up and left me in my home country

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2005
broke up and left me in my home country
1
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 9:18am

I just need your help and support what to do and how to deal with this.

I was friends with my boyfriend until we decided to date last June. We've been having so much fun together. I felt like a princess and thought that nobody ever can treat me better than him. His family just loved me and my family loved him as well. Because of the circumstances, I had to leave US and come back to my home country for almost 2 years. It was 6 months into our relationship, when this happened. We were very much in love and very much sure, we did not want to let each other go, and wanted to go through this. When I came back home, he called me EVERY DAY for 6 months. That is dedication, and commitment. He sent me even flowers, packages, etc.

This June, he came to visit me for a month and a half. But sadly two weeks into it, we started arguing and having problems. He had never been away from home and especially from his country. Always lived with his parents, unlike me. I have been on my own since 17 and I am 23 now. He is only a year older than me and has been working in the same place for 5 years. What I mean to say, is he got homesick very quick, and started finding reasons in little things that I don't believe he would ever do.
I have to say, that he is not one of those guys that gives another reason but what he feels. Anyways, he was homesick, and he didn't know I guess how to deal with it but to find reasons that could have actually been worked out.
Most of the reasons were cultural "little" things that he saw it a problem and couldn't see my side of things. One day when I came back from work and jumped on him and gave him kisses. He said "what I am going to tell you, you are not gonna like" And that's how he broke up with me. He changed the plain ticket to leave in few days. After this, there was alot of hurt and emotions of course. I could not believe he was breaking up with me over the reasons he was giving me, which I had promised I would change just so he would feel better.
I felt betrayed, dumped, and hurt the most by the person I loved the most.

The next few days, I explained him those reasons and how most of them were cultural and that he couldn't see my side of things. I don't want to write down all to keep my post short. One of the reasons was that he thought I was keeping him away from "people". And those people were my co-workers, which if everyone found out that I have a boyfriend and family that I love in US and I am living to go back, no one would give me a chance in the company. I was not hiding him from people. If so he wouldn't have lived with me under the same roof in the culture that does not accept that, meet EVERYONE that's dear to me (family, friends). I even told him I would take him to work and have him meet everyone if that's what it takes, in one of our earlier arguments. And he said, oh no it's ok, since we had made up. Well that day when he broke up with me because I didn't say "I love you" on the phone at work when I hung up. He thought I was not trying hard enought despite all my offers like to take him to work, etc.

This might sound crazy. But his feelings had always seemed deeper than that. Those are not reasons to break up with someone you love. Even my friends and family see that and agree with me.

After our talks after break up, he started understanding it and even broke out crying with me saying he wished I was back in US and that he could work this out with me. We could have worked on our relationship, etc. He saw how alot of them were cultural and that he was homesick. However, he was leaving in few days and we couldn't heal and build our relationship back like that over a distance knowing we are not gonna see each other in the next year. We decided to stay friends for the time being, until I come back and we'll see how we feel for each other.

He told me that he loved me, and I am not one of those people that you want to get rid of. He still wants to keep in touch with me, etc.
Despite all this, I am hurting. I know that things happen for a reason, but I cannot stop thinking about him. He has only called me once since he's been back to let me know he got there ok. But it's strange not to get a call from him every morning, no to hear his voice and encouragement to go on with this challange I had to face coming home for this long. I still love him and miss him dearly. I keep wanting to know how he is and what's on his mind. Is he thinking about me. Does he want to call me? Would he know that he did a mistake breaking up with me? Would he want me back?
I know that I will not want to go through this hurt again. I know I need to move on and not live with hope. Besides, I loved him so much. I always thought I could never break up with a wonderful person that he is. We have differences such as independence, me having University degree vs him with only high school education. I am more up to date what goes on in the world, unlike him. He is just a regular Joe but I was very much in love with him. He made me feel like the most important thing in this world. Even though I always wondered whether that was enough for marriage in the future. It always scared me at the same time.
Has anyone been in this situation? I need encouragement. I feel like my whole world has fallen into pieces. This is first time someone breaks up with me. This is first time I am going through emotional pain like this.

I need your help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 06-23-2005 - 10:16pm
Welcome to the board.
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