broke NC for the last time- traumatized

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
broke NC for the last time- traumatized
17
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 10:33am

Okay, posted the other day about how after we broke up 5 days ago, i broke NC. the convo was brief. i was surprised he answered. he said something about space and time, and when i hung up, i said "you can call me sometime" and he said "i will think about it".


I was pissed at breaking NC, but with new years fast approaching, i feel, well desperate. I keep thinking he will come around by then (i know, stupid stupid)


Yesterday i cried from 4 am to 2 pm, literally. the whole day. and I finally called him. AGAIN. UGH. he answered. he was in the car. he kind of laughed when he heard my voice. more of a sarcastic laugh. i said it was me. he said "i know, i saw that on caller ID". i said, why are you talking that way? he said, why are you calling me? UGHHHHHHHHHH. i said, I am really sorry for calling. I am not proud of it. I am having a hard time going without speaking to you after a year of speaking 10 times a day.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 8:09pm

Hello. I may be cussed at for saying this but he really sounds like a logical, steadfast and self-respecting man. He doesn't hate you, think you're psycho, or has gotten over you already--he is just doing what every person who trusts themselves does and that is sticking to his decision, however painful it may be. I am sure he is having just as hard a time as you are with this, but he's not dragging you into it because it's not going to help the situation AT ALL. Like you said, he is trying to protect you and himself by maintaining his distance and for your sake, I hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 9:07pm

I needed to hear that. I have been going through sheer hell this week after ending an on-again, off-again relationship. I am doing my best to make sure that this is the final good-bye.

It is hard as we will soon share a child together (I am 8 mos. pregnant) and am trying to find the right balance between allowing him to be a good father and protecting myself emotionally.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 10:21pm

thank you!!!! i needed that. my father just told me he treated me like that on the phone because he is indifferent, which means he no longer loves me.


I know its over, but its a hard pill to swallow that he would be indifferent because he doesn't love me.


thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 8:19am

My ex said a very similar thing to me. "I have made my decision, and doubt if I will change it, it will never work". HE has admitted to me that he misses me, talking to me everyday, and still loves me. But it is easier for him to have NC, and distract himself other ways, than talk w/ me. Does it hurt? It kills me inside. I am the type that would always give another person a chance. I think your ex does still love you, but this is easier for him. I have to take care of myself, as he is doing. So do you. You need to care for yourself, put yourself first. If you feel like contacting him, email one of us. Here is an email from my ex, after I made a desperate phone call to him which lasted for 4 hours.----


"Please stop putting yourself down I am the one who is to
blame for all this and it is all my fault you are just following your heart
even though it is painful. I wish I had that kind of courage and
determination. There is nothing to be ashamed about, if there is anyone who
should be ashamed of their behavior its me and I am, but right now I am a
person who is not behaving rationally and unfortunately that is the only
way I am capable of acting. So maybe it is better if we keep our distance
for a

seachells

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2006
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 11:50am
i hope so. you are lucky that yours has been communicative. mine has just turned on the cold and there is not nearly as much communication about his inner feelings. why did you break up btw? how long dating? i hope the keeping our distance for a while is the only way he too knows how to cope. but unfortunately it seems more like indifference
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:38pm

Hi again. I'm not sure who you were asking about how/why we broke up...but in case it's me, his first GF ever until me (from 10 years ago!) decided to get in touch. He freaked out, decided to take a gamble, and left me for a *potential* relationship with her. Men.


I am not saying this to get your hopes up, but rather to try to ease your pain a little bit. Most people, however stoic or crappy they are, are not able to turn off their feelings just like that. Even in situations where the dumpee feels like the break up came out of the blue, the one who did the dumping was probably thinking about it way before hand. But still, there's a difference between thinking about doing something and actually doing it. There is a finality to a break up that everyone involved deals with that is not just there when you're contemplating it. So, I am fairly sure that while he may be pretending to feel indifferent, it is likely not that way. Like I said earlier, it's just his way of coping, and we should all learn something from him!


Do you have plans for tonight? If not, please try to make some!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 3:30pm

You know, truthfully he didn't say anything to you I wouldn't have, it just hurts more because it's coming directly from the source. He's 100% right, and I try to impart this to the people who continually hurt themselves by breaking the very helpful and very necessary no contact: The one who is the cause of your pain cannot also be the one to comfort you. It's really just impossible, it'll never be complete healing.

You can continue to torture yourself by believing he hates you, is sick of you, is indifferent to you or whatever, or--- you can choose to believe he's doing this because it is honestly the best course of action for both of you in the long run.

Your choice, which will it be?

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