Broke NC today and feeling lousy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Broke NC today and feeling lousy
3
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 5:55pm

Sorry so long.
Today started off bad and just continued to get worse. When I got up this morning had no water for about 2 hours. I was online looking at another message board site and feeling good about 3 weeks of NC. I had decided to not call ex re bill we owe from our old apartment, i was just going to pay it myself. All of a sudden my only TV in my studio apartment decides to just die on me. I am renting a fully furnished studio on the beach for the winter only, so the TV is not mine. I called the landlord and he says he can't come until tomorrow to take the TV back to the store it is under warranty.

Anyway to get to the point, I am a big football fan and my favorite team is in the playoffs tonight. I really do take my football seriously, ex is well aware of this. I'm really broke this week after holidays so I can't afford to go out to watch the game. I don't have a lot of friends in this area and the ones I have don't share in my love of football I didn't know what to do. I actually went out and charged a cheap 5" black and white, but can't get any reception cause it can't be hooked up to cable.

My ex is still storing many of my belongings, including two TV's, until I move into a more permanent apartment in May. I was hoping to not see him until then. After much debate and phone calls for emotional support to my sister that went unanswered(she is going to the game, back home), I broke down and called my ex. He didn't anwer my call (no big surprise) so I left a voice mail. I asked him to please call me about bringing me the smaller of my two tv's and explained the siutation to him. I told him he could just leave the tv on my porch and I would take it in after he left. Well he called me back about 30 minutes later and tells me he is on his way over with my big tv. I told him I wasn't sure I could lift that one and he says, don't worry I'll bring it in. I said I thought he might not want to see me and he said remember you are the one that doesn't want to see me. Anyway I had to rush around and take down my DON'T CALL HIM NOTES, can't you just picture that and my calendar where I was keeping track of how long since I saw him. In all honesty I was nervous and excited to see him, even though I know I shouldn't. He parked in a no parking zone when he got here, so I knew he wanted to make it a quick in and out. No fantasy reunion happening here. It started off just fine I was casual, let him know I appreciated him doing this for me. He said no problem, I can call him anytime I need anything. We exchanged small talk, how were your holidays, etc, etc, etc. Before he left he gave me a hug and told me to call when I was ready to talk to him. I told him we really didn't have anything to talk about, he said I mean as friends. I said I still didn't see us being friends anytime soon. This is where I blew it completely, I asked him if he is getting serious with his new gf(I know bad idea, but words just came out). He told me they see each other a couple of times a week, but that he still spends a lot of time alone. I couldn't let it go and asked about the whole it can't get serious because she wants kids thing. He says she is aware that he can't and doesn't want anymore kids(his are grown) and that IF she wants kids she'll deal with that when the time comes. I reply with a that's funny cause when you first told me about her she definitely wanted kids and that was why she was a "safe" relationship with no future. Now all of a sudden it's IF she wants kids. He didn't respond and I said nevermind I think you should just go. He said ok and for me to call him about coming back to get the tv one day this week once my landlord brings me a new tv. He knows that there is absolutely no where to store my tv, my apartment is very small.

Why couldn't I have just left it at the casual small talk, when will I learn.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 9:50pm

Sorry to hear that...but what's done is done. You'll learn when you're ready to learn...when banging your head against the wall is no longer something you want to do. I've been right there with you in that boat, so I know how hard it is to let well enough alone sometimes.

Perhaps you can find another place to store the TV when the other one is fixed?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Sat, 01-07-2006 - 10:41pm

Hi Sheri,
Thanks for being there for me. I know you understand a lot of what I have been through. Actually after talking to my landlord I think I will just be keeping the tv that my ex brought until I move out. Landlord said something about the tv not being under full warranty because it has been 1 wk beyond the 90 days. Also I spoke to one of my friends who said she will be glad to store this tv at her new house until I move if it will keep me from seeing ex again. Actually now that a few hours have passed I am feeling better. My ex is obviously never going to be able to give me what I want and I need to accept that. I thought I would cry after he left, but haven't been able to bring up a single tear. I think I am realizing he hasn't changed at all and I need someone that wants what I want. He wants to be friends, but what do I want with friends that mistreat me like he has. I actually have always been the type to not have a large quantity of friends, but the quality of the ones I have is exceptional and I will not change my standards for him. His new gf will learn in time and I actually feel sorry for her because from what I know she is a very warm and caring woman. He has great taste in woman, unfortunately he doesn't seem to appreciate what he has until he loses it.
Thanks again for listening.

Leslie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 01-08-2006 - 12:12pm

Oh I had a giggle about the notes..LOL..My screen saver for a LONG time said DO NOT CALL..my kids kept asking me what it meant.

Then I read further and coudl TOTALLY relate to what you did...it's horrid..like an avalanche..the conversation starts off light and gets deeper and worse and finally disaster..I have been there..this is proof WHY you cannot call.

I have been adhering to NC on the phone since Dec. 4. I have NOT CALLED ONCE. I have sent a few important emails that did NOT need replies (matters concerning joint possessions) and since I blocked his email address, I see nothing if he replies..it's SO good. He has called a few times and I resist getting into anything..I just cannot go there ANYMORE..I got so sick and well, NO MORE.

You will be there too soon..it's a LOT of work. You are SO worth it.