broke no contact

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
broke no contact
2
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 9:27am

i didn't mean to break no contact yesterday but i had to square away our shared cell phone plan. it escalated into 2 phone calls, but at least i have no more reason to talk to him.

i was proud of myself for not replying to his text messages, but angry that i had to talk to him to resolve the issue. he said he was going to take care of the cell issue last friday, but screwed up my new line royally by adding on options that i didn't request.

i should have not let him try and "be nice" and ask me how my day was going and stuff. he said "i still care about you." i didn't respond and went on to just tell him he is missing out on having a real relationship with his brother. he didn't really want to talk after that but i told him that his friend called and talked to me for an hour on saturday to see how i was doing. he smugly said that he told him to call me because i was lonely and had no one to talk to.

i don't really feel that he should have said it because it only made me doubt his friend's intentions. no guy really talks to a girl for 1.5 hours late on a saturday night for no reason. i think that he just wanted to make himself feel better about the situation, that he was making poor choices for himself and knew they were wrong, but wanted to justify them to himself.

when i woke up this morning, i let the doubt eat me a lil bit and tried to call his friend but instead left a message just saying that i was letting the ex get to me. at least i didn't act on the urge to go over to my ex's house because i missed him. the person i miss is the person that was in our relationship together, not the person that betrayed and deceived me for the last 6 months when i drew the boundary and said please don't talk to this girl because she is bad new. instead, the lust and curiosity had to overpower him and he opened the door, so i know that ex- is not the person i miss. he is the person i am incredibly angry at.

i'm going to start over and try and remember that i have every reason to be angry and he has none. he has only guilt and how he feels ashamed for himself, even though he wants to be with a homewrecker, i can't stop him. i can only care about myself and what can i do to make myself happy each day. even if i'm on this awful rollercoaster, where one moment i want the old him and the next i am so angry or then sad and miserable, or hoping that i can just get through the next 30 mins without doing anything rash. he's gonna do what he's gonna do without me.

i think i am afraid to be alone. i haven't really done that in 5 yrs and it is a new thing that i am rather scared of doing. i've been independent, but knowing he's not there to go home to or call or cuddle with is difficult.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 10:41am
Hello, I understand you are really trying to do no contact, but I also think that you are not committing to it 100%... Even if it does involve business. After he got your new line squared away, it became your responsibility. Any features that you do not want... Call the cell phone company and clear it up yourself. Your name is on the bill now... not his. Any more business should be cleared up in 1 phone call. Make a list and go bullet by bullet until all the business is taken care of. After that point in time, there should be no more phone calls. If he does call again, keep it short and to the point. Tell him to please stop calling you, then every phone call after that... don't answer. He is not helping you by "being nice." It is just prolonging your "move-on." Do you feel any better after he calls? If you do, how do you feel the next day? A phone call from him makes you feel better for a few hours, but after that... heartache. Also, whatever might have happened with his brother is nothing that concerns you. He is no longer a part of your life, so stick to that. Any problems, concerns, etc. that your exe might have in his life... is no longer any of your concern or business. As far as talking to his friend, that was not appropriate. It is by no means your fault, but having his friend call you... is a tidbit weird. I think one of the hardest things about a break-up... is also breaking up with his friends and family. I understand you need people to talk to right now, but talking to HIS friend about the relationship is not good. It puts his friend right in the middle where he doesn't need to be. Anything that is said will be relayed back to your exe. Talk to someone that is in no way affliated with your exe. I had that same problem when I went through my break-up recently. My exe and I had a lot of mutual friends, but I refused to talk to them about the relationship or how it ended... I still won't. I don't put them in that position to feel awkward. Analyzing why he did it doesn't help either. I know it's eating away at you.... consuming your thoughts and time. He doesn't deserve that time and he doesn't deserve your thoughts. Stop thinking about him. Start thinking about you. He is no longer the person that you dated. As you said, he is the person you are angry at... so why are you looking for any means necessary to have some sort of connection with him? You are angry at him, remember? Use that anger to your advantage. When you feel the need to re-connect with the old him, think about how he treated you and how he left you for another woman. HE is no longer the person that you knew and loved. That person is long gone. So start picking up the pieces to a new life and a new you. I guarantee that in a little time... a new love will come your way. I completely believe that God has someone planned for me... He has someone planned for you too. Just be patient. That new love could drop into your lap when you don't even expect it, but you have to be ready for it. The only way to be ready for it is to move on from this old love and gain your independence back. You are a smart, strong woman! You don't need someone that treats you like dirt. (It took me about a month to realize that too...haha)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 11:40am

::he smugly said that he told him to call me because i was lonely and had no one to talk to.


Don't ya just love people and their egos?