Broke Up & seeing him Friday??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Broke Up & seeing him Friday??
1
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 7:30pm

Hi Everyone -

Will try to catch you up quick. I had a great relationship with my b/f that ended just before our 1 yr anniversary. Everything we had was great-never an argument-just smooth sailing. We started having "bumps" a few days after XMas- those "bumps" were really getting to the "Love" part - he has a history, been divirced & was really devestated by it- and every relationship to follow fails due to the "him afriad to get hurt & fall in lobe stuff". My relationship broke up technically New Yrs Day, we stopped being "in touch" & calling- the NC things. Then, we both missed eachother & he was confused on his feelings but KNEW he was missing me alot. SO, we went to just sit down, regroup & see eachother after this break up, well LST, I couldn't just smile & pretent all was OK- I didn't want the break up. AFter a night of pretending, it came to an end when we started discussing what we were doing & it ended bad that night! I left upset & knew it was over. He felt, even though being apart wasn't what he wanted, he still thought something was "missing" between us, confused about "love" - even though he loves everything about me & how happy we were together. He felt his feelings should've developed more by now, and he knows I love him, so he did the "what if" his feelings didn't develop with more time together, it would be unfair to me, he'd lead me on. He really didn't want to break up but thought it was best for me(again this seems to be his history).
Now, we've had barely any contact. I've been accepting this and moving forward, even though I cried ALOT! I had hope this time apart would help him realize what he feels, and that he doesn't want to lose me because we were Happy. My last step was, to exchange our belongings as after that - I'd have no reason to go back! I went to exchange our belongings last Thursday Night. He said he had a business call he had to make at THAT time and asked if maybe I'd want to do it another time because he wouldn't be able to "talk" to me when I came. My response, "No problem, I don't need to talk to you, just need to get my things". I showed up (looking STRONG), never even looked him in the eyes (but could see how great he looked out of the corner of my eye), I went about getting my things and left without socializing.He appeared he wanted to talk - I didn't. Since then, we talked later that night. He knew he shouldn't tell me how great I looked and how much he had missed me and thought of me so many times & wanted to contact me, but he doesn't know WHY he IS the way he is??Doesn't know what "love" is, how it should be- does it grow over time, is it immediate??He has been hurt & doesn't know anymore? He talked of going to Therapy. We had mentioned him going to counseling and that if needed, I would also go "Couples Therapy". He is making this decision this week while away on business. It would be a STEP in the right direction because he wants to figure things out & change the way he ruins things in his relationships! I want to be the one who is there, and want us to work out because I believe we have something worth holding onto & discovering more about.
Now, we talked yesterday and he missed me, and asked if we could get together when he got back on Friday NIght just to get together. Now that I feel strong, I said "OK". I told him I would "meet" him at a restaurant we both like to go to. This way I have control over the situation! I'm stronger, and have accepted the break up BUT I still have hope he will want to work things out between us, and work on himself, although won't get upset if he doesn't? I figure - if he is missing me, thinking of me, happy seeing me THEN this has GOT to say something to him, maybe wake him up that we do have "something special". Also, in case your wondering...NO, it's not a "booty visit" actually, We haven't been "intimate" since New Yrs (our last real night together) and he didn't want to the next time we saw eachother...refused to do that when things weren't feeling 'Right" between us. SO I know he wouldn't make that type of advance UNLESS he felt it was "Right"..I chose to meet him so it eliminates the "me having to go back to his house" at the end of the night..Therefore, the ONLY way I end up there is if I am ASKED and because he wants me too, because he feels RIGHT about it, because he realizes he does have strong enough feelings for me that he wants to try to understand and wants to be close to me. I'm going with the flow, focusing on myself now with a level head but at the same time, letting him figure things out, letting him decide if he is going to lose what we have for good? I do want him back, but on my terms too?? My control of things? What do you think, am I doing the right thing. Not playing games, not being angry or acting childish(playing games) about him feeling scared & confused about his feelings, just trying to "be there" for him while he figures it out, and I think maybe it is working? Opinions?? (and please be nice) LOL..Wish me luck please....Sweetie

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 02-07-2007 - 12:37pm

Hi sweetiexo,


I know this is late, but how did your meeting up with him go?