Broke up when still In Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Broke up when still In Love
5
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 7:50pm
My ex boyfriend broke up with me, still loving me and wanting to be with me. He told me that he was getting way too attached to me and that he was falling so much for me and that he had to break up with me because if we would still be together and let time pass he wouldn't be able to let me go later on when he falls in love with me even more. I told him to not thing negative and not think that im gonna break up with him. Then he told me that i am going to start college and im gonna be surrounded by so many guyz and that he knows anything could happen. Crying he told me that this was very hard for him but that he had to let me go and that it was for the best of us. I told him that i didnt understand him! Why was he ending such a nice relationship????????? Then he just told me not to make things harder for him. He wanted to be friends with me because he didnt want to "lose" me but i said no. I think is was so STUPID for him breaking up with me because of that! He totally broke my heart but then again I think that if i would still be with him and let time pass and then later on when we are MORE in love we break up then i wouldn't be able to handle that. I guess he was kinda rite in that but still he broke my heart. Today has been exactly a week since we broke up and we havent called each other at all and at school I see him but I just Ignore him. You think ill get through this fast?? How should I act around him? Im so confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 11:49am

I'm sorry, but I don't believe his reasons. If you love someone and are that attached, the LAST thing you want to do is lose them. Now maybe he thinks you will dump him when you get to college and he's scared but he would work on making you guys stronger so as not to lose you. He's not willing to make it work and see, then you gotta let him go. He's being immature and leading you on. I too would be so frustrated as well with him and his reasons. You can't make him try, and that sucks. Good luck moving on, and try digging alittle deeper to see if there is another reason for his weird behavior. You sure nobody is on a back burner that he can move on too?? I hope i'm wrong, but good luck to you. hugs

ps... if he is THAT scared or THAT insecure about losing you, then he has serious issues that he needs to work on, that you cant help him with. You both are growing and changing right now (college age) thats bound to happen, he is either giving lines (loves you but not in love) or he needs help growing up and living life not hiding from bad things that could happen. JMHO

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 12:00pm
First of all, hugs to you. You will get through this. A question, how old are you? It sounds like you must be around 18 if you are heading to college. Is he the same age? Or are you heading to college while he is still in school? I ask because I remember my ex telling me when he was 19 he broke up with his girlfriend because all of a sudden he saw his future with her in his head and he wanted more out of life-singley. He didnt want the commitment even though he still loved her. It could be that. He loves you but maybe got freaked out by the thought of commitment. OR if you are moving away while he is staying maybe he really is trying to head off a heartache. How long until you move away? If it is a long time then search your heart. You said he wants to remain friends so he doesn't lose you, but you don't. Sometimes saying you want to remain friends is a cop-out. Right now it is too soon to tell but could you be friends with him? Now at this time the heartache is too great to say yes. And it is awkward running into exes especially if you see him everyday.
If ignoring him makes the pain bearable keep at it. It might hurt more poking and prodding him for answers.
Just remember that you are a strong woman. You can get through this. I have faith that you can.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 6:02pm
Ok well Yes i Am 18 years old and so is he but the thing is that he went into school one year late so im going to graduate and he has to stay in school for one more year. The thing is that we had a very nice relationship and i could say that i really did love him and so did he. The only thing that I didnt like is that he was too insecure. He would get jealous when he would see me talk to my guy friends and always had the fear that i was gonna cheat on him because his ex g/f cheated on him and that really hurt. I told him to trust me and he told me he did but that sometimes he couldnt help to think that i would cheat on him or something. Then he would always tell me that he was scared of me going to college because maybe i would leave him for someone else. Then he broke up with me. He also told me that it was not because of any other girl or anything , just that he rather let go of me now than later on when he gets "more" attached to me. This really hurt me ALOT and i know it hurts him too! I just dont know why he had to act this way! My heart is just in a million pieces rite now. I dont know how to act around him! Some guy from school likes me alot and wants to Date me and my friends said it would be great if my ex saw me with him but i dont know if thats a good idea...????????????/


Edited 4/21/2005 6:04 pm ET ET by swtgurl2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2005
Sat, 04-23-2005 - 7:24pm
anyone have any opinions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 10:15pm
I'm sorry but I can't help but think his whole break-up and the reasoning behind it was a line of BS...I think he was just making excuses to get out of the relationship and not seeming like a bad guy and even making it seem like it was your fault.
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