Broken Up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2006
Broken Up?
3
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 5:32pm

Last weekend my boyfriend of four months and I had plans to do things all weekend. Friday I got a phone message at about 7 pm saying he was sick, and he had left work early that day. I called him once a day: Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, just to check in, be positive, hope you feel better, all that jazz. I left messages every time.

Tuesday he sent me an email saying he really messed up, in that while he was originally sick, he stayed in the house all weekend to watch March Madness. He was very sorry and hoped I would not kick him to the curb. I was shocked. I wrote a scathing email back, but did not send it. Wednesday he showed up and I printed out the email, and he certainly didn't like what I had to say, but again he was very apologetic.

I forgive him for the weekend. He was wrong, he apologized, he heard what I had to say, and I am satisfied. He may not be clear on that though, because in my email I brought up another issue.

On Valentine's Day I did something bad, and he called me on it and I immediately apologized, then drove to his home to deliver a care package while he was at work. He gave no response. The next day I asked him about it and his response to the food I gave him was that it wasn't much. And that was it. It hurt my feelings a lot but I tried to suck it up because I did do something wrong in the first place. I brought this incident back up again, and said I apologized, I showed up at your house, just like you’re doing now, I did something extra, and you didn't even have the courtesy to say thank you, or any words of appreciation. The conversation came to an abrupt end because I had a work-related call.

Since then, no contact. I like this guy, a lot. If I wrote a list of 10 things I want in a man, he's got all 10, so I feel like I shouldn’t give him up; I’m afraid this is too small an issue. But I have felt in my heart something is missing. That is why I haven't called him again. If he called me, I would be interested. But if I do nothing and he stays away, I would be sad, but not devastated. If he came back, I would definitely be happy; we'd date every weekend, he'd love me, play his role with my kids, and probably marry me. It would be great. So my ultimate question is: do I do something to talk to him again, and if so, do I still try and get him to say something positive about my little care package so I don't feel so bad about it? I really do feel bad. Or do I just let this one go? Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
In reply to: datingdiva
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 6:16pm

HI DATINGDIVA

FOR MY OWN OPINION DONT GET ME WRONG I THINK YOUR OVER REACTING. OFCOURSE YOUR GOING TO DRIVE THE GUY CRAZY. WHAT YOU DID YOU MAKE HIM THINK THAT YOUR NOT REALLY WILLING TO GIVE THAT STAFF AND JUST REMEMBER IF YOU GAVE IT TO THEM ALREADY DONT EXPECT TOO MUCH. EVEN THE WORD THANK YOU. I KNOW ITS CRAZY AND ITS VERY RUDE IF THE PERSON DIDNT EVEN SAY THANKS FOR YOUR GIFT AND ALSO ITS BEEN A MONTH 1/2 SEEN YOU GAVE THAT. YOU SHOULDNT BROUGHT THAT CONVERSATION. ABOUT HIM BEING SICK IF YOU LOVE HIM YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND HIM. LIKE YOU MENTION HIS PERFECT 10 TO YOU SO WHATS WRONG?

GIRL YOU OWE THIS GUY AN APOLOGY...CALL HIM TELL HIM THAT YOU JUST HAVING SOME PMS. I BET YOU HIS WAITING FOR YOUR CALL TOO.IT JUST HE WANT YOU TO LEARN LESSON AND HE HAS SOME PRIDE.

WELL IN RELATIONSHIP ATLEAST ONE OF YOU NEED TO SWALLOW THAT PRIDE FOR IT TO WORK AND IT DOESNT REALLY MATTER WHO DOES IT A LOT. RIGHT?

WELL THIS ALL UP TO YOU...DONT LET IT TAKE LONG! ATLEAST DO SOMETHING ANYWAYS IT SEEMS THAT YOU STARTED EVERYTHING.

NEXT TIME CONTROL YOUR TEMPER AND DONT BRING UP THE PAST. ITS NOT GOOD!

GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: datingdiva
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 9:31pm

So you haven't talked to him since Valentine's Day, right? That's a long time.

::do I do something to talk to him again,

If you want to, do it....BUT I would say since you already did all this:

On Valentine's Day I did something bad, and he called me on it and I immediately apologized, then drove to his home to deliver a care package while he was at work. He gave no response. The next day I asked him about it and his response to the food I gave him was that it wasn't much. And that was it. It hurt my feelings a lot but I tried to suck it up because I did do something wrong in the first place. I brought this incident back up again, and said I apologized, I showed up at your house, just like you’re doing now, I did something extra, and you didn't even have the courtesy to say thank you, or any words of appreciation.

I would say he's not that interested as he's made no attempt to contact you.

::and if so, do I still try and get him to say something positive about my little care package so I don't feel so bad about it?

If that's your only goal, how can I say this, let it go. You will not get him to say anything positive or he already would have.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: datingdiva
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 3:43pm

Ok, I just figured out your post....

In an email you brought up the incident at Valentine's - you want him to acknowledge what you did to make up for the bad thing you did. Well, that is kind of unrealistic. You apologized for your bad behavior and you want a pat on the back for it? It doesn't usually work that way. It is nice that you apologize and tried to make up for the bad thing, but I'd be willing to bet that if he compliments you on this, then he will think he's telling you that the incident was no big deal to begin with....but it was.

As far as taking a weekend off for March Madness, well, since March Madness isn't over yet, I'd say, leave him alone until the 'Madness' is over and see if he contacts you. Sorry you have to wait, but if you've already tried contacing him and he's not responding, then the ball is in his court and the more you contact him, the more you push him away.


Carrie