Broken up and confused...please help!
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 09-11-2007 - 11:56am |
My boyfriend broke up with me after going together for 2 years. He never gave me any type of reason, was very vague and when I hung up on him, he texted me that he still loved me and wants to stay as close as I'll let him. I didn't respond. This morning I received the below email in quotes. I do still love him, but I imagine it's best if I let him go. What do you think? And should I respond?
"It's been such a weird and difficult couple of days not speaking to you. As tempted as I've been to pick up the phone and give you a call, I know that the right thing to do is give you some space. Eventually though, I hope that you'll understand why I felt the need to make the decision that I did, and that we can move past it and remain good friends. The way I feel about you hasn't changed, so I still care to know about what's going on with you, your family, and your friends.
I miss you and look foward to hearing from you. And even if I don't hear from you, I'm still gonna try to keep in touch whether you like it or not..."
PS The week before he sent me a dozen roses for our 2nd year of dating.

Welcome to the board hanala2007,
For a moment, put aside what he wants.... what do you want?
He has a lot of nerve breaking up with you and then forcing friendship on you "whether you like it or not" :-/
When the person who does the breaking up asks to be friends what they're really asking for is your forgiveness and the opportunity to stay in your life in a non-comittal way, sometimes its
Sometimes I think we're as clueless about men as they are about us. I say again that it doesn't really matter why he broke up with you because it changes nothing - or rather, no matter what reason he gives you, you'll look back on the roses he gave you and be dissatisfied with the answer.
That being said, go follow the advice Carrie's given you. Take some time off for yourself. Any break up is hard, especially one where things ended relatively peacefully. You don't have that push of anger that comes from a bad break up.
Anyways, I'd write back and let him know you need space and will contact him when you're ready to be friends. Sweet and simple
cheers
Susanna
Hi hanala,
You've gotten some good options so far, everyone does things their own way so maybe you're being presented with some options you hadn't considered. Personally, I don't like the idea of telling a guy who broke your heart that "it's too painful" to communicate because that is just that much more power you're actually handing over to him, you're actually telling a man he's gotten to you. No. To this day, my ex has no idea how much I cried over him and our breakup, he has no idea how shattered I was, he has no idea that I crumpled to the floor the moment he walked out. And he won't know. All he knows is that I didn't break when he broke us, and as far as I'm concerned and until I decide otherwise, that's all he gets to know ;)
Then again, I also don't like the idea of telling anyone that you'll be in contact "when you're ready to be friends." It's just so final and who knows what will happen in the future. When stuff like this happens, I prefer to keep them guessing. You'll contact him when it suits you. Yes, it does become somewhat of a standoff, but for men to truly 'get' women, they need to be shown, words do little to nothing for them.
Missing you is good for him, no contact is good for him; maybe it'll help HIM understand a few things, too.