broken up, broken heart(what do i do)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
broken up, broken heart(what do i do)
3
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 11:25pm

HI everyone. before I begin, i want to let you all know that I am a man. i didn't know that this was a woman's site when i found it on google, and i had no problem in entering my gender at registration. what got me here was that I read about support for people with broken hearts. I am one. we men go through things as well when we are in love, and I am not made of rock, and i would like your support,comments anything so i begin:

M and I were together for seven years. we were good friend for three years before that. for ten years we've known each other. Our friendship grew like a plant, such a bond we had, a deep bond that i could not deny it even now. we moved in together in the summer or 2004. What happened is this. on Jan 31st, 2005, new Years eve, she broke up with me but continued to live here with me.She didwant a boyfriend ,she said. I said "bu M, we're partners, we're closer than that." she began to work very late ,and ended up not coming home for a whole weekend. I still believed that it was work related. she'd tell me about going out with the co-workers after work, and then going back to work to complete deadlines, etc. (she's an architect, she just got the job too) i needed her with me, but i wasn't going to tell her to quit, or make her come home. I was lonley, and i missed her. finally the bomb dropped in February that she slept with her boss.
Why did she do this to me? we were friends, and i loved her, and i gave my all to this relationship. i was prud of her, and i always bragged about her to my friends. i don't know what happened. Now It's like i see her in everything i do, and everywhere i go. . sometimes I just break down and cry. the pain is awful, and i want it to go away. since this all happened, she is still in contact with me sending me IMs and phone voicemails. she is still wearing the diamond pendadnt i gave her the year we moved in that Xmas. She has told me that she still wants me in her life? why is this? i think i have enough pain in my heart to deal with than to be at someones beck and call.
i told her i forgave her. i truly believe that mistakes are to be made. out of stupidity or selfishness, I can forgive it once. and work towards getting closer. I tiotold her that if she wanted to take small steps in getting closer , i would really like it. I don't know what she took this for, because I keep getting voicemails that are so nonchalant, like nothing happened. This is painful, and even offensive. I was so in love, and i really want to move on. is it still to fresh to think that i can? i have not given up on love, as i believe that there is a woman out there who would love to have what it is i have to give, as i do like giving. maybe i just found myself with someone who only takes. but for seven years?
ladies, i thank you for letting me share. i would really like your support, and if you need any male insight, i wouldn't mind sharing with you either. thank you.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 1:06am

Hi, men are welcome on this site...it's geared towards women, yes, but not limited to women!

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through...breakups are horrible no matter what, and add that to the fact you were together for so long and the fact that she cheated on you...ugh.

The first thing you need to do is cut off contact with your ex. She can be nonchalant because she's moved on and sees you as a friend. She's not taking into account the pain that this causes you. You need to look out for YOURSELF. Sometime down the road, if you want to, you can reconnect as friends, but you can't be her friend now, because you still want more.

So take that step...tell her you need to do this for you, and you hope she will care enough about you to respect your feelings. If necessary, block her from calling or emailing you (hopefully it won't be necessary, but some people just can't see past their own selfishness).

And keep posting and reading here...we'll do our best to offer support and suggestions.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 11:29am
Hey guy! I know exactly how you feel. I am going through the exact same situation. It's been about a week now since I cut off contact with my ex, and as much as it pains me not to be able to talk to him, I can feel myself getting stronger. I am now beginning to realize that after being in that relationship for so long I actually forgot who I am as an individual. Now it's important to be able to focus on our own needs, emotions, and desires. I know the pain seems at times unbearable, and as I said, I'm right there with you, but I've found that what seems to be helping me is to just focus on the present. Don't worry what tomorrow, next week, or next month will bring. Try to stay focused on the here and now, and take each moment as it comes. I understand that it's rough, but "the only way out is through." As time goes on, we will heal. Just surround yourself with family, friends, and keep busy! Keep on smiling, better days are ahead! Good luck, hun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2006
Sat, 04-29-2006 - 6:39pm
thank you Sheri, for the welcome. I actually have broken contact with her. at first I thought because of our long friendship that we could keep talking. but i could not. not while she is so nonchalant about it all. thing is, she keeps contacting me, she hasn't had her mail forwarded, and uses it as an excuse to come over. she did this on wed. when i saw her she was still wearing the diamond pendant necklace i gave her. why? It's obvious she misses me, but why not just say it? then i could at least talk. still it is painful, and i'm hurt by it all. but i know, i need to keep moving, and i have been,