broken up, heartbroken, living together
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| Wed, 03-15-2006 - 3:14pm |
i have posted this, but did not get much of a response can anyone help?
My boyfriend asked for a break......Me and my boyfriend live together. We just bought a house together about 6 months ago. Well now he has decided we need to take a break. Which pretty much means in his eyes we are not a couple. He said he needs this to figure himself out and what he wants with his life and our relationship. He says he needs to make himself happy before he has the responsiblity of making anyone else happy. He said he needs to figure out if he wants the seriousness, drama, and responsibility of being in our relationship. He says this is not because of wanting any other girls and has no intentions of going out and pursuing or finding anyone to replace me. He just needs to figure himself out and better himself. Of course this sucks to hear cause in my eyes I technically live with my ex-boyfriend. This has been goin on for about a month and its been hard and I probably started a couple of fights because it is hard, but now I am just trying to not worry about it and go on and make myself happy and take it day by day. I have threatened to just leave and he has done the same, but neither of us have, maybe because it is not an overnite thing because we both own the house and we maybe dont want to make that decision. But he just confuses the hell out of me cause one minute he acts all distant and the next we hang out watch t.v. go out to eat and now we are having sex again on a regular basis and still not sleeping togethter. But we are still taking a break. I have not questioned him or asked him any questions of what he is thinking cause i know that it wont just happen over nite to figure himself out and when I do question him he gets all pist and says the conversations are the things his is taking a break from. He tells me to just find things to make me happy right now and not needing him to make me happy. He tells me I am making a big deal out of all of this, but then tells me he does not want a girlfriend right now or anytime soon. That is what he is trying to figure out, and its not that he does not want me, but does not know about all the seriousness...maybe the house has made him feel this way but he should have thought of that before...
But is it B.S. for a guy to say he needs to take a break to figure himself out and to better himself as a person as well as figure out if he wants the serious relationship with me? I guess he should of done this b4 we bought a house together. How could he flip like this after 4 months, but claims it has nothing to do with other girls? He claims I am the best girlfriend he has ever had, beautiful, great body, loving, caring, one the most generous people anyone has ever been to him, great to him and his daughter. He knows the risk he is taking, but feels he needs figure himself out. Its just one minute he is sticking to his guns creating the space and the next minute we are still spending time together and having the physicalness. We have always been physical at least every 4-5 days out of 7 since we have been dating for 1 1/2 years. I mean at least he is not goin anywhere else to get that, but our physical relationship has always been so awesome! I guess i need to just not worry about it so much and just try to go on and make myself happy on a daily basis..............why do guys have to be so confusing....

I THINK HIS GETTING SO STRESS ABOUT THE HOUSE BILLS AND HE DONT WANT TO ADMIT IT TO YOU..WELL ACTUALLY RIGHT NOW JUST RESPECT HIS DESICION. IF YOU GUYS LIVING TOGETHER STILL. DONT SAY ANYTHING JUST GO TO THE FLOW. DONT TELL HIM TO LEAVE OR SOMETHING. GIVE HIM ALL THE SPACE HE NEEDED.
I'M HOPING THAT EVERYTHING WITH BE OKAY WITH U!! GOOD LUCK
Edited 3/15/2006 6:33 pm ET by jazz_meeh
Thank you for your responses. I have been thinking all the advice everyone has given me, but actually hearing it just puts it more into reality. I totally think he is getting his cake and eating it too. It has been about 5 weeks since he decided this. It is getting alot easier then the first two weeks just cause I probably have no more tears left in my body and now I am getting to the point of being pist off and angry instead of sad. I am not showing him my emotions much anymore because I feel if I do he will feel he still has me. We are still totally congenial and when we do things its like we are complete best friends and not lovey dovey and we both still do favors or whatever for each other. We are still having sex, but I am not letting it get to emotional for me...I enjoy it and dont want to give it up and part of me does does not want to give it up cause I dont want him to go anywhere else. We also have not slept in the same bed together in 5weeks. I dont call him anymore unless I have to and I just see him when he gets home from work. If he goes out after work then sometimes I dont see him because I start really early in the a.m. and he gets home late. But here are some things that confuse me and maybe he does this cause its his way of showing me he cares and its a way of holding on to me?
1. He calls me more then I call him during the day or b4 he gets home from work
2. Every nite he comes in my room and gives me a kiss goodnite when I am sleeping
3. Still wants to hang out together at home and we went to dinner with him family
4. Pretty much we do alot of the same things
Except his point of this whole singleness is that he is not "responsible" for anyone besides his daughter and himself. So if i expect something that a boyfriend should do he has no responsiblity to do it. He says he won't figure out what he wants overnite so my new logic is:
1. Set a goal for myself of when I don't want to wait around for him anymore!
My birthday is in June so right now I think FOR SURE I dont want to wait longer that that
I guess the most complicated thing with all of this is if i could leave i would DO IT! I would leave and see how he reacted and if he would quicken his whole thinking process. I cannot leave cause we both own the house, its a very expensive house, alot the just find a roomate, we just built the house, i dont want to leave cause its my first home and "I LOVE IT". It may sound corny but I want to see all my flowers bloom for the first time...watch the leaves on my new trees turn color....get my grass to be the best looking grass in the neighborhood. I have put so much into this house....I planted 250 bulbs that I want to see come up this year...All of our personal belongings are completely mixed together through the house...If either of us were to leave it would be a situation where it would be leaving for GOOD...I have put alot of money, time, and commitment on the line and if or when we do separate out of the house it will be alot of legality stuff.
So I have been trying to just do other things to keep busy and not being about him and hopefully that will make him miss me....I dont know?????????
I guess my only idea right now is to just stay busy, create distance but not in a bitchy way, and set myself a time frame for how long I want to deal...Do you guys think that before June would be enough time?? Obviously if it gets worse b4 then I have my answer...but until then I just have to live my life! But 2 full months from now should be plenty of time for him don't u guys think?? Cause I know him and guys if i pressure to soon it will just piss him off more!