Broken Hearted Once Again

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Broken Hearted Once Again
1
Mon, 07-31-2006 - 7:52pm

Well here is my tale of woe. I was out with friends (Erica, Gary, Jack & Bill) at a local bar/restaurant. Erica and Gary always hung out together as well as Jack and myself. Friends of Gary's came down later on that evening (Joe & Jim) whom I had never met before. We were having fun and a lot of laughs. This was the night I met Jim. He made eyecontact immediately and did everything he could to get my attention (even though it was obvious I was with Jack, who even had his arms around me). Afterward we were all going to meet at another bar, Jack and Bill had to get going and didn't come, but Jim met Erica and myself. He was kind, funny, as well as being attractive, and great to talk to. He took my number and begged me not to meet anyone else. He called me several times that night on his way home (he had to be at work at 6am so he left before we did). While I had my guard up, as the days passed he slowly started to melt it away. There was no game playing. He called me everyday and would leave beautiful messages on my voice mail when I missed his call. I did not have sex w/him immediately, I waited until at least the 3rd date, and it was wonderful. Our relationship was moving along very nicely. Then right before his birthday his ex-fiance died in an accident. It rocked his world and her family leaned on him for support. The more they leaned the less I saw him. We did manage to spend his birthday together and it was great. But he called less and less and I saw him less and less. He then decided to surprise me one evening and came to an outside bar my friends and I were at that had a great dance band playing. I did not see him but he watched me dance with one of the guys my friend works with. That is all it was, dancing nothing more. When I saw him I was so excited I ran to him and tried to give him a big kiss. He pulled away and left. I was devestated. He wouldn't see me to talk about it. I gave him his space and a week later sent a text letting him know I was thinking about him and hoped all was well. The next night he called, drunk and upset and basically having a breakdown. He asked me to come and spend the night with him. I hugged him and we talked and he told me how upset he got when he saw me dancing with someone else. We had the best sex that night and I called in sick to work the next day. When I left I asked him if I would hear from him and he said I would. He would call late at night and tell about where he went or what he did, but never asked me to join him. I finally asked him where we were at in our relationship and he reply we were in the gray area because I cannot give him what he really wants - "children". Even if I wanted to have more children (which I do not) I physically cannot have any more as I had a hysterectomy 7 years ago. (yes there is an age difference between us, I am in my 40's and he is in his late 30's). The age diff. did not matter to him in the beginning until he had is melt down and life's re-evaluation. He continued to call me everynight randomly going to clubs and bars that I have been to and then leaving me messages that he wanted to surprise me and see me but I wasn't there. I always returned his phone calls. However it has now been 10 days since I last heard from him.

Do I call him or text him to see how he is doing, or do I walk away and never look back? I really care about him and we did connect on every level. My heart aches for him!!!

Thanks,

Carol

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Tue, 08-01-2006 - 1:29am
Hon, the guy had a breakdown and has thought about his future life with you. He wants children of his own and you cannot have them. It's not your fault. He needs time to get his head in order. I'd not call him or text him. He'll call if he wants to. Don't wait by the phone though because it's not sure that he'll go back to you.