Broken up, Living Together
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Broken up, Living Together
| Sat, 10-22-2005 - 10:51pm |
My boyfriend of four years and I have just broken up. The problem is, we are still living together (the breakup just happened last night). I moved with him to a place where I have no family and nowhere to go, so I am stuck. Now, as I am trying to find a place to move to, I am trying to get through this difficult breakup while still seeing him every day and knowing he is in the next bedroom at night. Plus, I have to deal with the nasty looks and comments I get from his family who live nearby. I'm not sure how to deal with this during the time that I am still here.

tendertulip...
Pianoguy finds it difficult to believe that you don't at least have ONE CLOSE FRIEND who could 'put you up temporarily?' What about a co-worker? Or someone you share stories with on a daily basis?
Unfortunately...you're gonna feel like a CAGED ANIMAL...the longer you try to co-habitate with a man who clearly doesn't want your presence in his life.
Are you sure that there's no family member close by who could possibly help you?
Pianoguy
Oh man, this is stressful and heart wrenching all at one time. Do you live in a community where you can rent a room for awhile? Get some friends and move the stuff to a storage facility when he is NOT home. Find a place and just get out.
F the family..who cares? Phooey..this is about your survival.
HUGS
hey there,
all i can say is i'm sorry for what you're going through, and i know how it feels, i've been through it myself. when my bf of 4 years and i broke up, we had to give a month notice to move out of our apt, so we were still living together for a month after we broke up. my break up wasn't a bad one, i did the breaking up because of my own issues(not the ex), and it was really hard seeing him everyday and seeing how hurt he was, i was too.. and i know what you mean when you talk about him sleeping in the other room...break ups are already so painful and stressful, but when you live together it just adds more stress...i still get flashbacks and it still gives me chills and brings tears to my eyes. i don't think there is any way around this to make it easier, especially if you have nowhere to go in the meantime while you find a permanant place.
as for his family giving you dirty looks...that really is immature of them, whatever happened between you and your ex is between you and your ex, his family really should mind their own business. like the other poster said...f*** the family.
i wish you all the best in this very painful/stressful time..keep us posted.
take care,
trying to heal.
Sorry to hear about your situation, that is really tough.
I've been through this kind of situation- my ex and I lived together for 4 months after we broke up. The best advice I can give you is to keep yourself out of the house as much as possible. I had friends that I could stay with and hang out with, but if I wouldn't have, I would have found somewhere else to go. Sit at Starbucks and read magazines, go the library, the mall- anywhere. The hardest thing for me was being at home and knowing when my ex was coming and going all the time. We weren't ever going to get back together, but it drove me crazy thinking about him going out and wondering if maybe he was out with other girls. The last month we were living together, he brought random girls home just to upset me, which I would hope your ex isn't mean enough to do. I just started staying over my friends' houses, coming home only long enough to shower and change clothes. It sucked staying on people's couches and basically being kicked out of my own house, but it was too stressful to be there when he was.
I don't know what your lease is like- that was sort of the problem with our apartment. We were only 4 months into a year lease. Plus, my ex owed me a lot of money, so I couldn't really afford to leave and take a chance that I couldn't find someone else to move in. If you can sublet, or get someone to take over your lease, then get out as soon as you can. If you are still seeing him everyday and seeing all of his stuff around, then it will be impossible to be able to move on with your life. That's sort of what I'm going through now. Since he's left, I've been doing a lot better. It's still hard- especially since there are a lot of memories in the apartment- but it's not the daily stress I used to have to deal with.
Good luck and hang in there!
Erica
I was in your place about 4 years ago. It was awful! I found out that my boyfriend was sleeping with other women, not other woman, other women the entire year and a half we dated. We moved in together and had only been living with each other about 2 months when I found out. I needed to get him the heck out of there, and he moved, but I was stuck with a giant 2 bedroom apartment I couldn't afford. I was hurting financially, so I took a second job at night, even though I was working as a doctor during the day (I was still in training, so I wasn't making much money and paying my student loans).
I decided two things from that. First off, get them away from you ASAP. You can't heal until you do. Secondly, don't ever move into a situation that you can't afford on your own.
I too understand what it's like not to have friends or family nearby. I had moved many states over to complete my training and I really was pretty much all alone. I couldn't ask my married co-workers if I could sleep on their couch. I was too old and too far along in my career for that.
Take care and remember, there are many who have been in your shoes. Take care of you first!!
Chick