Broken up but still living together

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Broken up but still living together
9
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 3:57pm
My boyfriend of 15 months recently told me that his feelings for me had changed. We are no longer dating but he tells everyone, "if it's meant to be it's meant to be and we'll get back together." He told his mom that he thinks we will get back together. Anyway, we knew eachother before we started dating and moved in together less than a month after we started dating. Everything was perfect. We didn't fight, we have tons in common, we trust eachother, his family loves me and my family loves him...everything you could ask for in a relationship. Then he sprang this on me. I think it was a combination of money and influence of other people. Anyway, we still live together and do things as a couple (like go out with other couples...including his parents and hang out in public)...even though we are "just friends." Does anyone else besides me think this is odd? I've seen him in past breakups and he normally avoids the ex like the plague. But it's almost like nothing has changed except we don't have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend. I want to get back together with him but I don't want to bring it up because I don't want him to feel like I am pushing him or anything like that. Can someone please help me or try to help me understand???




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 4:07pm
honey get out of there as fast as you can, trust me! My ex pulled the same thing on me. He wanted to live together as "roommates" meanwhile everything else was the same, basically he just wanted the freedom to screw around with other girls while still having me at his beck and call if he decided he wanted me. If a guy wants to be with you, he will know it. None of this back and forth bs. Move out, or make him move out, and if it's meant to be it will be but not in that kind of situation. He will make it work whether you're living with him or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 4:14pm
I agree with that but would like to add something. He isn't seeing anyone else or messing around with anyone else. Neither one of us has plans to start messing around or dating anyone...at least not yet. Can't say that it won't happen though...




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 4:25pm
Are you sure though...I don't mean to sound harsh but I always gave my ex the benefit of the doubt and he swore up and down that there was no one else and wouldn't be anyone else, until I came across a text from one of his ex-gfs and found out they'd been sleeping together since we were still together. You have to ask yourself why he would want to live with you but not be with you...don't hold on with the hope he'll come running back, the best thing you can do is try to get on with your life and if he realizes he messed up then he will do everything in his power to get you back. If he doesn't, it's his loss. I need to take my own advice lol. I think it's just easier to look at things from an outsider's perspective but you can't see as clearly when you're wrapped up in your own situation...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 4:50pm

Hi tanya and welcome to the board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 4:54pm
I don't want to move out...I don't think I should have to go through all the work and uproot just because he doesn't know what he wants right now. I think he should be the one to move out because he is the one that ended things, not me. Is that the wrong way to think? Plus it's not that easy to find a nice place in the town where we live. We were lucky to get the place we are in right now. That is what sucks about the whole situation.




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 4:58pm
Are you ready to ask him to move out?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 5:05pm
I'm honestly not ready to have him not be around. He works on the road so he isn't around that much but when he's home, he's home. I've been doing my own thing and trying to separate our lives but they are so intertwined that it's hard.




iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 9:04am

Hi girl..

Damn ur story is soooooooo the same as mine!i cant belive!except we were together 4 years..2 years living together and then out of nowhere..he just told me he dont want no more! practicly on valentines day!we didnt even fight !nothing!he is love of mine life and he expect me to live together and watch him every day breaking my heart..but if i dont pretend im fine he will leave..in one f..g day everything changed..i m so confused..he dont even give me 2nd chance..i havent done anything..he just said it just doesnt go and he was just pretending..im so hurt i cannot think..so i just can tell u u are lucky one ..he atleast gave u a chance!mine gave me no hope..but how can i live if i dont hope..i always will.. but i have to stop somehow..hoooooooowwww????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 2:03pm
I just wanted to update the people who posted to my orginal post. As of today, neither of us have moved out. After a few bumpy days and a couple of fights, we are getting along better than ever (for about the past month). He is telling me he loves me again...as of this past week and being very considerate. I don't know if we will end up together but I don't think that I should be the one to have to bring it up. I am still looking for another apartment since the one I found isn't available till August 1st. I haven't told him that I found one yet though...I was waiting to see how things went. If I need it, it will be there. I guess that's how I look at it. He's been inviting me to do things with him and go places with him again. What would be the next step in this? I don't want to push anything cause I don't want him to back away so do I just continue doing my own thing and wait for him to bring it up??