BTW - Here is His Last Email To Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
BTW - Here is His Last Email To Me
2
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 9:35am

I thought maybe he had started seeing someone else. He always said the last thing he wanted to do was start seeing someone else or looking, and that he didn't even have time if he wanted to. Anyway, we had plans to be friendly and go to the movies this saturday and just hang out and be cool and easy and take it from there. This morning I emailed him asking him if he's seeing someone else and below is the email he sent back. Please tell me what you think. Am I being obsessive about the whole thing?? Would I be better off if I just give him time and space? Because he's sending mixed messages. First he says maybe we shouldn't talk. Then he says we'll go to the movies, (and it doesn't seem as though there IS anyone else) - so maybe he's just got alot going on and I should step back? Anyway, here it is....

I don’t understand. Will you please try to understand me? I fight for free time and I usually lose. It’s very hard for me to commit to anything because when I do, I have to put off personal responsibilities. It’s not fun knowing all of your bills are late and your car is getting repo’ed just because you haven’t had time to sit down and take care of your sh*t.

This is my situation. I am working all day/night today and all day/night on Sunday. I should spend all of Saturday securing the Equity line and resolving my payables, getting the oil changed in my cars, finding a new landscaper, Rock has to see a dr, and on and on and on. Instead, I will see my Grandma- she is leaving, and I promised to hang with you. That’s my only day to take care of myself and it looks like it will be another week before I have the time to take care of these things.

You just don’t understand that in a single day off, I have to take care of weeks worth of crap.

What do you want me to say? I will make time to see a movie and I was looking forward to it. Please don’t beat this to death.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 1:04pm

Hon, this guy is making so many excuses to get off this Saturday movie date that he IS making you feel guilty for it. He mentions that he's personal responsabilities are put off because he has so many things to do, that his bills are late and that his car is been reposed, his business are always late...hmmmmm, I wonder if you were a priority in his life at all? Apparently he has no priorities in his life because his life is a a complete mess and every thing is always late. He can't take care of anything because he's always busy doing something??? OK, he's working all day and night. He does mention that he has to work all day/night on Saturday and Sunday, so why agree to go see a movie with you on Saturday? It seems that he likes to "promnise" things and then back off with a lame excuse, making people -you- feel guilty for his stupidity. This guy has time for God knows what, but to take care of his personal stuff. He's irresponsible, he doesn't plan ahead, he's got no maturity to handle finances, he's credit record probably is bad, very bad.

I'd forget about this guy, he's looking for excuses and more excuses. do you want to spend time with a guy like this? He was your BF, but what a BF...I bet you felt like you fel now when you were dating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 07-29-2005 - 1:39pm
Ok Jackie, now is the time to bow out gracefully from the situation. You two have broken up, and are now FORCING a friendship and obviously he can't handle that either. And for you, a friendship would never be enough anyway, you love him!! Don't settle for that! You are right, he has changed, he has got alot going on in his life that he has not been handling well and it is catching up to him. Tell him you are sorry for adding difficulty to his life, that you truly hope he gets his life back on track, and although you will miss him terribly , that you can't be friends right now. Now I don't think you added difficulty to anything, you are just heartbroken and love him and would do whatever it takes to help him, BUT sweetie you can't help him. He can only help himself and your best bet is to move on and away from him. You know he wants space and needs it, so thats what you have to do now. And if he finds someone else to date, then so be it, he will have her as an excuse to not live his life again instead of blaming you. Sending hugs, PLEASE leave this be, cry and pray, it's time to accept that it is over and do not resume contact, you will end up hating each other and who knows in a few years, a friendship could come about.... but don't wait around for this guy, don't follow him around with his ups and downs, don't be a part at all, ok? THere will be other guys I PROMISE , who won't be so difficult to hold on to.
Best of luck
Grace