bummed
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 12-09-2004 - 12:24am |
well, today was pretty much my last day of school. i have exams on monday, and that is the last time i will see him.
i am totally over him, and i am so much happier now that we're not together.
but, knowing that i'll probably never see him again...i don't know, it really bothers me. i wish that we could just say goodbye or still be friends. but i know that if i even said goodbye to him, and tried to part with him on good terms, he would think i'm crazy or would find a way to make it negative.
it's so hard for me to comprehend that i won't see him again, because i've seen him pretty much everyday for two years straight.
i'll never see him again...and he'll forget me.
man, that really sucks.
i've moved on, though, and i'm waiting for the next big thing. hopefully it will come soon! :)
i'm just a little bummed. it's weird when you love someone so much, and the suddenly they become a stranger to you. i'm not in love with him anymore. i know that much is true.
i really can't wrap my mind around the fact that he'll be so completely gone. it will almost be like he was never there...that i never knew love.
this is the first semi-sad day i've had in about a month. go me! i guess this is really the end. the absolute, complete end. wow. this is crazy. i feel so many things...but mostly, it feels surreal.
i'm just saddened that we have to part on such bad terms. i wish it was different...but you can't change the past...and it happened like this for a reason.
this, too, shall pass...and i will forget him completely, just as he will forget me.

I know what you re going through.
I almost could not believe it when it happened.
My Ex of two years also suggested to be friends but I was so hurt I could not accept him in my life, I could not really tell whether he wanted to be friends because he needs me or because he feels guilty or because it will help him get over me faster or simply because he cared for me as a friend. I had too many doubts to accept the good terms.
It felt really weird to me that someone I shared so much with will just become a perfect stranger. Him being in a different country even makes it harder because I m pretty sure I will never come across him ever again in my life. Our paths seem to run parallel.
I dont expect it to be easy and I know it will always be a disturbing thought and a reminder of how hypocrite life can be and how we are all toys in the hands of destiny...
I think gradually it will go to the back of yuor mind like a dream or a nightmare and you will see flashback of it when you re older.
I can only say that such relationships make me believe that humans are weak and not the drivers of events in this world.
blargleargle,
I have to say, your post made me a little sad...I can totally relate to the way you're feeling right now. My ex and I broke up over six months ago--I'm sure you've seen some of my posts. I tried to keep in contact with him for awhile...not only because I still cared about/loved him, but because I wanted "closure." I wanted to talk to him and set things right between us--and a HUGE part of me didn't want to be forgotten. I was terrified of that happening.
This part of your post really got to me: "i really can't wrap my mind around the fact that he'll be so completely gone. it will almost be like he was never there...that i never knew love." It really baffles me how suddenly things can change--how one moment my ex seemed to be so happy with me, and now he acts like I don't exist. It confuses me...how could he act as if those 2+ years of his life meant nothing? It makes it seem like what we had was never real...
Like you, I am moving on with my life and am slowly realizing just how unhealthy my ex was for me. I think I still care about him (maybe a part of me always will)--however, I can no longer say that I want to be with him. I have been feeling really good about myself and about life in general lately, and I've been trying to work on some of the issues that I have. It feels great--a part of me is even relieved my ex isn't in my life anymore. It's a lot less stressful! :)
I've had trouble dealing with the fact that I will most likely never speak to my ex again. I wrote him one final e-mail a few weeks ago and he texted me about a week after, but I didn't respond. I know that was the best thing for me to do...but a part of me is worried that will be the last time I ever hear from him. Sometimes I want to contact him just to remind him that I still exist. I don't want him to be able to forget me so easily...at least not as easily as he managed to throw me out of his life! I think it has to do with my pride--but I am slowly learning to swallow it :)
As my self-esteem is slowly building up, I am starting to realize that it doesn't matter if he forgets about me. Because I don't need him in my life...and whether he remembers me or not doesn't change anything. We still aren't together; he still isn't the person I want him to be. Him remembering me wouldn't change the end result. I know that the only way to get closure is within myself--my ex will never give me any of the answers I'm looking for.
And honestly (if this makes you feel any better), I don't believe it is possible to fully forget somebody. I have found it very difficult to forget about anybody from my past--even if they don't mean anything to me anymore. I remember people I haven't spoken to or seen since the 3rd grade! I know I will never forget my ex--he was a big part of my life for a long time, and vice versa. I know I learned from our time together and that it is a part of who I am, and will remain a part of who I become. But I know I will eventually forget how it felt to love him...
Just stay strong. People change and move on, drift apart etc. Sometimes it really hurts to think about, but it's just a fact of life. Know that you won't be forgotten...and also know that you will eventually reach a point where you won't even care if you are or not! :) <3 Take care of yourself...
"Maybe some people just aren’t meant to be in our lives forever. Maybe some people are just passing through. It’s like some people just come through our lives to bring us something: a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn, and that’s why they’re here... you’ll have that gift forever."
thank you so much for your reply! :) i can definitely relate to you on so many levels. i am totally moving on, and i haven't really had a thought about him for...ever. i haven't been depressed in what seems like months (it's only been weeks, though), and i'm starting a new life, with new friends. i'm aiming to become a better person.
like you, i too feel almost relieved that my ex and i aren't together anymore. it really DOES feel like a dream to me, like i can't even remember if it was real, or if it really happened.
it's just so strange knowing that i'll never see or speak to him again. i'm not afraid of losing him or losing touch with him. that's actually pretty fine with me. i'd prefer it...i don't want any reminders of rejection, thanks! but i truly believe that the thing i fear most about not seeing him anymore is being FORGOTTEN. for some reason, that is so daunting to me. i don't want to be the kind of person who is easy to forget, you know what i mean? i don't think that i am, and i don't want to be.
in reality, he hasn't been a part of my life in almost three months. and though it hasn't really been that long, i'm definitely "over" him. i'm DEFINITELY ready for the next boy to come along ;) ;) it's been so long since i've kissed (or even CUDDLED) with someone, i'm going through withdrawals!
but even though i'm over him, i still don't want to be forgotten. :-\
anyways, thank you so much for your reply, it has comforted me so much knowing that someone knows EXACTLY how i feel. i hope you stay strong, and keep moving on. you're right, it doesn't matter if he forgets me or not, because i won't be a part of his life again (and vice versa). and obviously, i have no control over what he thinks/feels about me.
i guess i'm just a little bothered by the whole "being forgotten" deal. that just doesn't feel good at all, no matter WHAT you think about the person who's forgotten you.
anyways, good luck, and take care <3 <3 <3
-jenna
Jenna,
I can understand why you are worried...you are right when you say that it doesn't feel good to be "forgotten," no matter what your opinion of the other person is. It's tough to think that someday an ex might not even remember your name or what you looked like, let alone how he felt about you. Nobody likes to think of themselves as a type of person who is "easily forgotten about." But I think that it is actually a pretty unrealistic fear...
People don't forget very easily. I mean, think of it this way--we are obviously unable to forget about our ex'es! Why should it be any different for them? Yes, they were the ones who broke our hearts...but they still spent the exact same amount of time on us as we did on them during the relationship. They shared every kiss, every touch, & every memory that we did. We were in their lives for just as long of a time as they were in ours. Maybe it didn't mean as much to them...but they still experienced it. You cannot just forget about people, even if sometimes it seems like our ex'es have. My ex usually ignored me whenever I tried to contact him (another reason why I stopped), and does not contact me very often on his own. And I'm not saying that he thinks of me constantly, cares about me, or even misses me at all. But I know that he hasn't forgotten me. He's actually told me that himself; he has said before that it is hard to forget about me. And the last time we were texting back&forth (about a month ago), I said something like, "You forgot me" and he just replied with, "No."
But that really isn't the issue here. The important thing is that eventually you will grow to not care about if your ex remembers you or not. I know it's hard right now, but you will reach that point. It's sort of like your breakup--I'm sure you were devastated at first, but now you're over him. It took time to get to that point...but you made it! And look how far you have come since then. This is just another part of the process that we need to go through in order to fully heal. Obviously there will be struggles and bad/weak moments...but you're going to make your way through it eventually. When you are ready, you will realize that it truly doesn't matter if your ex has forgotten you or not.
I'm glad you realize that you have no control over what your ex thinks/feels when it comes to you. It took me a long time to realize that--I was convinced that I could change his mind about me somehow. But I've said and done everything that I possibly could...and it's definitely a lost cause! I used to worry so much about what he thought--I didn't want him to blame me, or think I was a horrible person...part of me almost prefers to think that he's maybe forgotten me instead of thinking badly of me. And I wanted so badly to know that I had impacted his life somehow...that our time together HAD meant something to him. But I've come to realize that either way, his opinion doesn't mean much in the long run. What I think of myself is what really matters. I'm sure I'll still think of my ex in the future, especially since there are so many things that remind me of him. But I'm hoping to reach the point where someone can ask me about my past boyfriends and I can just list his name off without feeling anything; the point where I can hear his name being mentioned, or remember something that we did together...but not feel sad about it at all. I know I won't forget him, but I will forget how he made me feel.
I hope you find love again sometime soon. I miss it too...but I'm going to wait and make sure that I'm fully ready, and more secure within myself before dating anyone again. I think I owe it to myself to finally concentrate on what I want and need...I'd really like to come out of this situation as a better, stronger person. And of course I want to wait for someone special to come along :) I'm not going to settle...
Good luck and take care of yourself--you deserve it! <3
"Letting go is being thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, made you strong. It's about all that you have, all that you had, all that you will soon gain. It's having the courage to accept change, to keep moving. It isn't to forget, not think about, or ignore. It's not about pride, or blocking memories. No feelings of regret or anger. Letting go is not giving up...it's accepting...learning and growing up."
"I've learned that things change, people change, and it doesn't mean you forget the past or try to cover it up. It means that you move on and treasure the memories."
"After awhile you learn that what you really are is all the experiences and all the thoughts you've ever had and all the people who have touched your life, no matter how briefly."
Even though you have moved on from the loss of your relationship, it is okay to be sad for the loss of his friendship.