Buried in despair
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| Wed, 05-18-2005 - 8:38pm |
I am feeling the worse that I have ever felt. It seems that every part of my being is in pain. My husband and I have not spoken in a week. This constant cycle of my husband getting angry with me over some small issue continues to destroy my energy and hopes.He's angry with me now because I commented to him that he should ask me first before assuming that I will pay for his purchases on my limited credit card. He has THOUSANDS of dollars of credit available to him.We have been physically separated for some time resulting from his emotionally abusive behaviors.I keep hoping against hope that we will return to a loving and peaceful state, but it just does not seem to hold for any substantial period of time.I want to let go....but I can't. I don't think that I can take the mental and emotional pain that would be required to really walk away from this relationship and keep walking.I wake up in the morning,go to work every day, and care for my 2 children. However, in the quiet of the night, I feel lifeless and empty. I am fighting against the urge to call him. I know that to call him just resumes the cycle.
I know that I need to use this time to get myself together,but I have no focus. Help me with your survival advice.

jestlene...
you can do this.
i'm thinking of you.
if you want to talk further, let me know.
jestlene....
It's only Pianoguy's point of view......and other ivillagers might disagree.....but you have 2 choices:
1. GET OUT OF THE RUT YOU'RE CURRENTLY IN.....by realizing that your marriage probably will never work (simply because your husband is not going to respond or love you the way you want him to).
2. CONTINUE TO PUT YOURSELF THROUGH THE S.O.S. UNTIL YOU CRACK UP!
Your children are witnesses to all of this.....and believe it or not.....the success or failure of their future relationships are being determined by what they see from you........and your "distant spouse!"
Get some feedback from a social worker, a trusted friend or family member....and then make some changes!