Call me crazy, but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Call me crazy, but...
4
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 8:56am
I have been feeling like a lousy ex-gf lately. I know that may sound weird and all but this whole NC thing sucks. My ex and I broke up a little over two months ago. We talked occasionally over the next couple weeks to exchange everything we had(we lived together). Now I haven't talked to him in awhile and it is killing me. I feel like this lousy ex who isn't calling to see what is going on. I mean we had this amazing connection and now we have nothing. He had told me he wanted to keep in touch and I told him I thought it would be too hard. He said that it sucks that I don't want to be his friend after all we had. I tried to explain that it would be too hard to see or hear about him with other women and going out, etc, etc, etc. But now I feel lousy since I haven't talked to him. I don't want him to think that I didn't love him and that he was a horrible person, because he was not. I want to call so bad but I know that will do nothing but make me upset. In the same sense I don't want him to start hating me becasue I haven't called to see how he is. What do I do?? I think about him constantly and want so bad to call him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 11:26am
Your not crazy, you are just like the rest of us. I would tell myself the same things, that I was being mean if I just cut all contact. He would hate me if I didn't agree to be friends. I even sent little texts, "thinking of you" and made phone calls just to say hi, in which he wouldn't answer. What that did was make me vulnerable for any contact from him. I would hang on every word or gesture and analyze and obsess over it. If he's nice, does that mean he wants me back? If he's distant, than he's seeing someone else. Or he's mean and you begin to hurt more.
It's not a sin to call and say hi or whatever, it's only bad if you are completely affected by his response. Does that make sense? It's almost like an addiction, well for me anyway. Any little contact at first soothed me and I was ok, then alittle time would go by and I was *needing* to hear from him again. I wasn't moving forward.
Just be careful ok? You will begin to move on as soon as you let go of hope. That longing for friendship or any part of him in your life is that your not accepting thats its over. I did that for almost a year. It sucks, I'm so sorry, I wish you the best sweetie.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 6:56pm

You really need to stop feeling guilty. This is NECESSARY if you ever want to get over him and move on.

You can be friends LATER, when you're well over him, if you still feel like it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 10:11pm
You aren't a bad person.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 3:19am

nugirl,

i completey understand how hard it is ...

but you really shouldnt feel bad for wanting NC... i mean, why doesnt HE feel bad for the breakup?? why doesnt HE feel bad for not calling you???

yes it sucks to have shared so much and suddenly nothing, and yes it sucks to not be able to stay friends soon-after... but this all comes with the breakup territory!!

dont feel bad for a single thing... continue to stay strong...
eeksj :)