To call or not to call?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2007
To call or not to call?!
4
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 10:10am
Ex and I broke up nearly 3 months ago...and have been completely NC for three weeks (but haven't seen each other since breakup)...then out of the blue, last night, he called and left a 6 minute message about how he has wanted to call forever and was reminded of it last night when something reminded him of me....that he wants to catch up and see how my summer is going and wanted to know how various things (training/apartment/friend) situations were going--details I'm surprised he still even remembered--I've tried my best these past 3 weeks to keep the NC...but I really do miss him (3 months later...i know!) I've been dating someone else but can't get my mind off of the ex...and now this phone call. Why? What is he thinking? Do I return the call? I know I'm supposed to keep the NC but we didn't end badly and I do want him in my life...thoughts? Friends have taken both sides...one being just to ignore it..move forward not backwards...and others have said that you have to take risks in love...I have no idea what to do...HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 11:47am
After reading your message, I don't think you should call him back. You said that you are dating someone new, so I would give your new guy the respect he deserves and don't hang on to your previous relationship. I am someone who doesn't believe you can maintain a friendship with ex's, but some people believe you can. If it's possible, I don't think it can happen until you both are truly over one another and it wouldn't bother you if they were dating someone else. Otherwise, I feel that you are just trying to hold onto what you have and it makes it harder to move on and have successful future relationships. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 11:59am
I would say follow your heart. You know what to do. If communication is still open with your ex, then you at least need some closure there...especially if you still have feelings between the two of you. I was in a long term relationship with someone who had just gotten out of a very long term relationship (he started dating me a month after breaking it off with her) and he broke up with her online, never called her or saw her since, and five months into our relationship he found he didn't have closure with her and needed to see her to work out his feelings. It was a huge blow to our relationship, and it was always hanging there in the way. He never ended up seeing her (she didn't have time/want to) and now we have broken up because he is still confused. It wasn't fair to me. So see your ex to be fair to your new guy...he deserves to know if you have baggage. Good luck.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 12:16pm

If you want to stay in painful limbo and lengthen the recovery process, then call.

It really sounds like he's just being friendly. Are you really ready to be best buds with him and hear all about any dates he might be having?

And how fair would it be to the new person you are dating? (Well, I'm not sure how fair it is for you to be dating him period, given how strong your feelings are for your ex, but that's another issue)

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 12:51pm
I'm with Sheri on this. If no where in his message is there "I screwed up majorly, take me back", he's just looking for an ego stroke.I'd ignore it.
- There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your