to call or not to call...read this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
to call or not to call...read this!
2
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 8:09pm

"Letting go of someone you love is one of the most painful feelings human beings can experience. Letting go means suffering and heartache. It means losing love, and love is the highest form of happiness known to mankind."

"The pain of rejection can reach into the very core of one's being. A woman can becomes so fixated on a man who rejects her that she is consumed by her rage and desire for him...Women have come a long way financially but sitll have alot of work to do to become more emotionally independent. Too many financially self-sufficient women stay in emotionaly and physcially abusive relationships because they are terrified of letting go. They would rather cling to a man who beats, humiliates, or rejects them than risk the terror of being alone."

"When a relationship has ended, or you see your man distancing or pulling away from you, it's a loss, even if it's a temporary loss. Whenever there is a loss, you have to feel the pain of the loss."

"The whole point of resisting the urge to call a man you have broken up with and share you feeling with him is to avoid the risk of getting rejected, hurt, or humiliated. Every time you get rejectd, you reinforce any feelings of unlovability or desperation you might be struggling with. And even if he does respond to your call positively, yu may feel momentarily comforted and closer to him, but soon the anguish will return, because you're still not together and then you'll have to work through your feelings of loss again, doubling your amount of work. Going through the pain witout him may seem like passing through a crucible of fire, but if you don't call that man, you'll feel triumphant and confident of your own inner resources."

These are just some of the insightful excerpts from "Don't Call That Man" by Rhonda Findling. It's sent from heaven right now as far as I'm concerned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 8:26pm
Great timing - I needed to hear that. Please keep sharing nuggets from the book - there are a lot of us here who need reinforcement to resist the urge to call or email. I'm reading it again....
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 10:37am
Yes, I'm sitting at my desk at work...unable to work : ( and the words you passed along were very helpful. Thank you so much. It's also somewhat comforting to know that other people are experiencing the exact same feelings. I wish I could see the light at the end of the tunnel but right now it just doesn't seem to be in sight. Thank you again.