Called - Feel Heartbroken all over again
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Called - Feel Heartbroken all over again
| Mon, 06-20-2005 - 10:51pm |
I don't understand it. Why do I feel so heartbroken again?
I just talked to him thinking that he still wanted to get back together, and he's aloof and in a hurry to get off the phone. I don't understand what's changing in him - AGAIN. Why was I good enough to get back together last week and now we're back to being distant and just tolerant?
I tried to stay reserved when he first asked me back b/c I wanted it to be for the right reasons. But even thinking about it made my heart hurt all over again - it opened up my emotions all over again and now I feel so let down. I feel rejected all over again. I just feel like I'll never find anyone else or know what to do with myself at night. What is going on again? Why do I feel like I've made ZERO progress?
Why am I not good enough to be with? I'm willing to move, to take care of his family...why is it so easy for him to just dismiss me again? Why can't I count or be important enough for him? Why don't my feelings count too?
I just talked to him thinking that he still wanted to get back together, and he's aloof and in a hurry to get off the phone. I don't understand what's changing in him - AGAIN. Why was I good enough to get back together last week and now we're back to being distant and just tolerant?
I tried to stay reserved when he first asked me back b/c I wanted it to be for the right reasons. But even thinking about it made my heart hurt all over again - it opened up my emotions all over again and now I feel so let down. I feel rejected all over again. I just feel like I'll never find anyone else or know what to do with myself at night. What is going on again? Why do I feel like I've made ZERO progress?
Why am I not good enough to be with? I'm willing to move, to take care of his family...why is it so easy for him to just dismiss me again? Why can't I count or be important enough for him? Why don't my feelings count too?

Hi Ka1964 -
I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm getting weary waiting for it to appear. Most of my friends are married or in relationships and I'm trying to be happy for them, but not really being successful. I ran across weddings he and I were going to attend this year and I couldn't bring myself to cancel his RSVP.
Now the next hardest part is learning how to let go of his son. He is this awesome 8 year old who is funny but sensitive. I love going over school work and watching him learn. It's really amazing. But the Ex is not letting him spend time w/ me. He'd like me to fade away in his son's mind and it just hammered home that ExBF wants that too. It's probably for the best and will let us move on and get back to being stable. But it's not easy news to absorb. Bitter Bitter Pill.
I'm blowing all my money on exercise equipment, personal training lessons, etc b/c at the very least I'm going to LOOK AWESOME which will make me feel a hell of a lot better...(being told that I don't measure up in the beauty dept to his friends' girlfriends or wives really did a number to my selfesteem).
Thanks for responding to my post. I'm trying to just get through the day and feel good about myself. I've made lists of things I can do without him in my life and it gets a little longer every day...
Big Hugs to you - stay strong about the 4th of July. Don't devalue your self-worth. Ask yourself if you'd act like he did and if you'd be proud of yourself. If you wouldn't be - don't give in to his head games! Hey - come to DC instead and watch the fireworks on the Mall! No other place to celebrate Independence than in the nation's capital!!
You know, that is how I feel about what's going on with my ex (of 3 days now :( )Honestly though, maybe he thought things through (again...and again...) and for whatever reason just realized that maybe he did want to get back together with you for the wrong reasons. Although I don't know your whole story or anything, I do know that my ex broke up with me about a month before this last time and came back a little less than a week later saying he wanted to get back together and of course I wanted to, but I had to ask lots of questions and such to see if he had in fact "thought things through" ENTIRELY and wasn't just lonely. Well, we got back together, and we broke up again....I guess what I'm trying to say is that you were right to question his motive and maybe by doing that you saved yourself a lot more heartache.
What's really funny though is as stupid as it would be for me to get back together with my ex for a third time, if he came back, I would probably give it another try. When you want things to work so badly (even though you have that feeling that you might get your heart broken all over again) it's like adrenalin takes over or something....so when you find out that they have changed their minds about something it just provokes more heartache.
I don't feel like I'll ever find anyone that will compare to my ex, and you know what, I probably won't. It hurts a lot to feel that way when there isn't much of a chance that we'll get back together and have it work (unless he is willing to actually discuss things rather than just hold everything back because he can't open up about a lot of stuff and would rather figure things out on his own until finally he can't take it anymore and by then it's too late...the pot's already bubbled over.)
Like you, I am also willing to make whatever changes necessary to have our relationship work again, and that's even harder because we are completely powerless over the situation. It hurts...A LOT. With that, I too feel like I'm just not good enough, because, hey, if I'm willing to make the changes necessary, how could someone pass that up?!
I really do feel though that we are important to them. Unfortunately though, they, for whatever reasons, don't want the same thing as us (right now and maybe never will) and that is saving us the pain of spending X amount of years with someone, expecting marriage and just finding out that the relationship has been gone for quite some time.
Breakups are terrible--everyone on this board knows that and I know that nothing I say can take the pain away, but I hope that knowing someone else feels the same way you do helps you feel just a tad bit better.
Stay strong.
Laur
Hi Ka and Laur ....
It does help to have this message board available. There are times when I'm feeling like I'm ready to get on with my life...and then there are those nights when it's 3am and I'm crying over all the mistakes I made that turned him away. Well, what he claims I did over and over again. I re-read a list I made of the reasons to NOT get back together w/ him and it helped calm me down enough to get a couple of hours of sleep last night.
I'm still sorting through my emotions. I know I'm very sad alot, and sometimes angry and frustrated. How or why did we go through 3.5 years, how did I move up w/ him, why didn't he ever think about any of these issues or problems before? Why didn't he love me enough? OOOhhh that's a big one. Why didn't he love me enough to want to work through this relationship? That's something that eats at me all the time.
But an old high school friend who's seen me through other breakups and whom I've seen through breakups emailed me great advice. To write a letter to myself in 3rd person, giving advice as I would to a good friend going through the same issues. I need to keep reminding myself that I am worth more.
Ka - your therapist said such a wonderful thing! Because we were totally in love w/ our Ex bf's and were willing to do anything as long as they kept breathing. Why should they get away with anything less??
BTW - Whether it's the working out (partly out of revenge), the depression that is starting to set in, or anger that makes it impossible to eat....I've lost 17 pounds in the past month. Whether or not I'll ever see him again in my life, like hell I'm going to ever let him or anyone else make me feel bad about my body!
WHEW - ok...I need a nap now...