Can it ever work 2nd /3rd/4th time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Can it ever work 2nd /3rd/4th time?
15
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 12:10am
Hey guys,
I was just wondering if anybody in this world has ever had a miracle. You know gone througha ll the drama that we have an actually gotten back together with an ex and things worked out. I always read where people say "forget about him and move on" but has anybody ever had the man come to his senses and actually change. I would really like to hear some happy endings some time. I don't know if i am a fool or a hopeless romantic that just believes that people are not perfect..Jesus did not give up on us and I know that my ex's heart is good but i also did some things that were hurtful to him. I keep hopeing that time will heal his wounds as well and allow him to open his heart again. I do believe that he is my soulmate but we have both hurt each other and need to heal. He did try a rebound girl but it did not work and we tried to jump back together to soon. I think that he does need the time to heal and i need the time to slow down and really decide what i want to give...I just would like to hear the other side of the story sometime. I know that there has to be some....... I don't want to think that there can't be.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2005
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 6:15am
Hi, a friend of mine has a great story. Her and her man broke up 6 times over a period of about 10 years, did absolutely everything wrong to each other (including cheating- a few times) and are now married with a son and happier than ever. I'm hoping for the same, or similar success :) Good luck!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 10:34am

No, I've never had it happen, although I've tried again with a couple of exes. But any changes have only been temporary.

IMO, it *CAN* happen, but it's extremely rare. Your best bet is to move on and be open to finding someone else. You can't count on this guy and you shouldn't. If he comes back, great, but what if he doesn't? How much more of your life are you willing to spend pining for him?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 3:41pm
Sometimes it's just good to know that you don't always have to give up on what your heart tells you. I am not waiting around for my ex but i do know that i am not ready to jump onto or into a relationship with someone else while i still love him. I know that i miss more than the memories with him and that is why i must take my time. I guess in my heart i am hoping that he is taking the time as well. Although we are still civil with one another we do not talk every day and have only really spoken once in the last couple of weeks but i think that this is just some much needed down time for both of us.... and if it isn't then it is some time to heal
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 6:12pm
I am also a hopeless romantic like yourself. I love my ex and I do believe he is my soulmate as well. I miss him so much. I hope that being apart from one another will make us realize how much we really mean to each other and that someday soon we will find a way back to each other.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2005
Sun, 07-24-2005 - 8:25pm
Me too!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 9:12am
Yes, I believe that if he is your "true" soulmate, you guys will eventually be together no matter what you might believe. My best friends Aunt was married for 11 years before she and her husband got a divorce. They had three children together and moved on with their lives separately. 5 Years had passed, and both of them had dated several other people, lived with other people, had their own homes, etc. They found their way back to one another and at this point have been back together for about 4 years. They plan on remarrying in the future. Some things are meant to be, some things aren't. I believe that true love exists and if it's meant to be, nothing has the power to stop it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 10:56am

It feels good to know that i am not the only one who believes in soulmates. I also believe that my ex and I have the ability to get back together. I don't know if anybody can understand this but we had "passion" in our relationship. I think that it is different from love because it is more intense. Maybe that is why he is hurting so bad. Passion is that feeling that you get before you see your bf/gf and your chest gets tight and your breathing gets deep. It's the longing that you feel when you have just left them and you can't wait to see them again. My ex and i have been through a lot of ups and downs but we never really healed. He tried to forget about me by being with another girl but after 6 months he knew it was not the same and they broke up...but instead of us waiting and getting to know each other again we tried to rush back together and we didn't give ourselves time to heal and let our passion grow again. I know this may sound crazy but I truly believe that he misses me but he wants to be able to give that passion and have that passion that we had before...... I am not looking for love or sex... I want to feel that passion that i felt with him....I am not going to cheat myself ...... If it's not passion it's nothing at all

I hope someone understands!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 11:47am
I can "completely" relate...believe me. My ex and I have just spoken for the first time in over a year, we've been broken up for over 3. It brought back some very intense feelings and I know how much I love him and want to be with him. How long did you and your ex date for?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 11:58am
We dated for two years and for the last 2 we have been on again off again. I think trying to find our way back to each other but both of us a litte ( lot) scared. He always says that he wants to get that "feeling back". I think it is the passion that we had. I think he is afraid that if he lets himself go he may get hurt again but he also knows that what we had was special. I don't know how to tell him that it is alright. I guess he will just have to miss what we had enough to take a chance. I guess my greatest fear is that he won't want to take a chance again. I struggle daily to give him space but i find it hard to stop thinking about him...there are not enough things to do in the day to keep busy and the nightimes is horrible. I miss being in his arms ....that's all i really want.. just to have him spoon me.... it's been since june 2nd and eventhough i know that is not a lot of time i fight daily not to call or run to him... he says he wants to be alone right now and i am trying so hard to respect that
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 12:42pm

What you're describing sounds more like obsession than passion, and that's not healthy...you might try reading "Obsessive Love" by Susan Forward.

Sheri

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