Can it ever work 2nd /3rd/4th time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Can it ever work 2nd /3rd/4th time?
15
Thu, 07-21-2005 - 12:10am
Hey guys,
I was just wondering if anybody in this world has ever had a miracle. You know gone througha ll the drama that we have an actually gotten back together with an ex and things worked out. I always read where people say "forget about him and move on" but has anybody ever had the man come to his senses and actually change. I would really like to hear some happy endings some time. I don't know if i am a fool or a hopeless romantic that just believes that people are not perfect..Jesus did not give up on us and I know that my ex's heart is good but i also did some things that were hurtful to him. I keep hopeing that time will heal his wounds as well and allow him to open his heart again. I do believe that he is my soulmate but we have both hurt each other and need to heal. He did try a rebound girl but it did not work and we tried to jump back together to soon. I think that he does need the time to heal and i need the time to slow down and really decide what i want to give...I just would like to hear the other side of the story sometime. I know that there has to be some....... I don't want to think that there can't be.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 2:38pm
I don't think that i am obsessed.... I just know that he and i were something special and believe in my heart.... that it is still there
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 2:46pm

Ok, fair enough...it just struck me that what you described as passion sounded rooted in fear...I think in a healthy love situation, you are much calmer, even though you're excited about seeing the person and passionate about them. It's hard to describe the difference, but there definitely is one.

If it's meant to be, it'll happen. But in the meantime, hard as it is, you need to let go and move on. I've just had to let go of a man I feel a very special connection with, but he is not in any position, emotionally, to give me what I want and need, so I'm moving on. If he is ever ready to move forward in a healthy, committed relationship, I have to believe that he will contact me (I've told him that I would like him to do so, but until then I can't be in contact with him, it's too painful).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 2:50pm
Why does everyoene think that because you still love your ex.. you must be obsessed. I really hate for people to tell me that i am unhealthy... i think that i am just human and that loving someone even if it seems that they can not recipricate those feelings does not make you unhealthy...I did not say that i was stalking my ex or following him around.. all i said was that i still love him and believe in my heart that i always will... will we get back togther... maybe... will it be just as passionate...maybe with some work ... is it worth it... only GOD knows...but he has not told my heart to give up yet
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 3:59pm

Hi rosesrred, your feelings are not unhealthy, it is your refusal to let go and move on. You even see your undying love as admirable and that can be detrimental to your health if you choose to stay in that place. But that is your choice, to not ever move on. You also assume that because you have such strong feelings that it is just meant to be... so did I and almost everyone here who has been in love with someone. And you keep saying how he feels, and do we ever really know how someone else is feeling, how deep their feelings ran... really? No we don't, even despite what they say, or said at one time, they change their mind, and more the case, we hear what we want and assume it is exactly what we want. We take their confusion as that they love us so much, they just need time to sort it out.... uh no, they don't feel the same and because they care about you as a person, they don't come right out and say that they've lost that lovin feeling... so the song says. How many times has he broken it off with you? And he's been living and screwing this other chic?? You chalk it up to a rebound to get over you but come on... he moved on and she didn't work out, while you were dangling your booty over him, of course he was tempted. I'm not trying to be mean, but I see what you write and you are blinded. You assume so much and that his every move involves you and if it did he is using you. AND you said , "if I was willing to put up with this crap then I must truly love him".... hahaha you are funny. That is not a sign of love. You are in denial. And God will not tell you to let go honey... you have to let go and Let God handle it and then he will take care of it.
The people here write advice to you because it appears you need help moving on, but if you want to hear encouragement to keep hanging on, and hear beautiful stories of how it works out in the end, go rent a fairy tale movie. I"m glad you are happy that you've decided to hold on to a man who doesn't want to commit to you and you are so willing to wait but alot of us here have tried dreaming, and then have joined reality that these guys weren't "it" and have decided to heal and move on. I do wish you the best

Grace

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 07-25-2005 - 11:06pm
I don't mean to be a downer but getting back together has never worked for me.
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