Can men change...Back together after 6 m
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| Mon, 01-23-2006 - 9:33pm |
Hi girls,
I havent been to this board in a very long time. I was here around this time last year recovering from a difficult break up. A lot of you really helped me through it. Well, not I am back with the guy. I will try to make this as brief as possible.
This guy and I broke up last February b/c he basically wigged out and ignored me when his friends came in town one weekend after we were dating for 4 months. So, he told me he knew it wasnt working and he did that to push me away. I was in my last year of law school and he was in his first. So, we didnt talk for a bit then we started hanging out/hooking up again. Well that went awfully b/c I still had emotions, of course. So we stopped that and I moved after graduation (8 hours away). I cut off all contact even though he tried to call about 4 times over the summer. He called the night before the bar to wish me luck and I again didnt answer.
I am good friends with his sister also, which is sort of how I met him. And, it was also a huge pain in the asz during our relationship.
I think I eventually called him back and we caught up and he told me he had been seeing someone over the summer and it didnt go so well and I told him that I was also dating around some. So, I thought cool, we can be friends. Well he headed back to New Orleans for law school. I made plans to visit his sister in another state. Well then Katrina happened and he had to move home. So, when I went to visit in October he was there, which i didnt know when I planned the trip. Needless to say the spark was still there ten fold. So, I ended up spending most of the trip with him. Well I left and we talked and he flew to visit me. We decided (I decided) we would keep dating other people. We made plans for a trip right after xmas to the bahamas for 7 days. We had an amazing time. And, now we are together again long distance. I am pretty happy with the way things are going. He is doing everything right, not perfect, but pretty good. But, I have my mom and my best friend wondering what I am doing back with this guy. They promise me it will go nowhere. I don't know what to think. I am tormenting myself with the what ifs and wondering if he will wig out like he did before. But, no one has a crystal ball. So, do I risk it or not? Which goes back to my original question, can they change....will it be different this time???
Any ideas/advice?

Can people change? I guess, in my opinion, that depends on what the problems were in your relationship originally. Generally, I think that people don't change. In my case, I broke up with my ex when he didn't come to help me move in to my condo (my first house and I was really proud that I bought it). We had a lot of issues and really, aside from our attraction, we don't have a lot in common. Anyway, we got back together after a week; he promised to find a job and buy a car so he could see me more easily and such. He found a job, but he blows all his money on junk and traveling. I think travel is fun but it's a luxury, for him, travel is a necessity.
So, I guess my point is that both of us tried to change and compromise, but in the end, the changes were only temporary. Now we're broken up again (this time for good, I think) because we just couldn't change enough to make our relationship work. I know we both really wanted our relationship to work, but it just wasn't happening. Maybe in the future he will be a little more grown up (I think that is a large part of our problem, even though he's 3 years older than me) and things will work, but I'm not holding my breath.
Anyway, that's just my two cents... Try and listen to your head because, more often than not, it knows better!
-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!