Can you relate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Can you relate?
5
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 9:52am
has anyone out there ever been in this situation:

boyfriend cheats-boyfriend lies about the type of relationship he's had w/the woman-boyfirend says that he still loves/misses you very deeply but he still wants to see/have sex w/the other woman as well as continue to have sex w/you.

so, what did you do-did you continue to see/sleep w/boyfriend or did you cut off all ties?

please help me, desperately confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 11:05am
Once a lier and a cheater always a lier and a cheater. You cant go on being abused like this emotionaly, get out and run! If your self esteem is anywhere to be found- get out. I would never be alowed to be treated this way- and niether should you! Plenty more fish in the sea who will respect you and stay committed to you. Once your out- you will wonder why you ever put so much effort into this one. Hope things work out for you! stacy
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:01pm
Good grief, I am surprised that he actually told you that he wanted to have sex with both of you. Even as honest as he was, what was he thinking? He wants his cake and eat it to and he wants you to agree to it. Nice ha? I honestly hope you don't agree to those terms. Show him you respect yourself more than that. Best of luck... Lucy
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:05pm
I've never had this situation, but I was involved with a married man a couple of years ago. He told me he would leave his wife for me and he did. But he never seemed to get up the energy to get a divorce and I eventually left him because I couldn't stand the pain of being in a triangle. I really loved him though, and it was hard to leave.

My advice to you is that any man who expects you to put up with his sleeping with another woman probably doesn't love and/or respect you enough. I myself couldn't put up with it for more than a minute.

On the other hand, some women can do it. If you love him enough, if you can live with sharing him, then by all means. I think women who can put up with cheating are pretty rare though. Only you know what you can put up with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:25pm
thank you all for your posts. the decision is to walk away from him. but how?
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-20-2004 - 3:34pm
Unfortunately, there's no easy way. You just have to tell him that his wanting to be with another woman is unacceptable to you. Tell him you love him and would love to be with him and to call you when/if he's ready to have an exclusive/committed relationship. Then you walk away and don't look back.

It will hurt like hell, but the pain will NOT KILL YOU. I promise you. I've been there more times than I care to mention ... We're here for you. We'll hold your hand, offer you a shoulder to cry on and see you through the rough part.

The good news is that at the end of the road you can feel proud of yourself and you'll have your self-respect intact. If you stay with him you probably wouldn't be happy for long ...