Can't believe I'm here again

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Can't believe I'm here again
2
Wed, 06-22-2005 - 11:08pm

Five years ago, these message boards on ivillage were a godsend to me. They really helped me through the most painful times of my divorce. Now,here I am again because the only significant relationship I have had since then, ended about two weeks ago after one year.

I guess the reasons why he left aren't really all that important, because it all feels the same. I keep wondering when I will meet someone who will feel that I am worth the effort of working things out. When will I meet someone whose pride is not greater than his love for me.

Although this is not as painful as the divorce, it is still very sad and very disappointing because the reason he left is because he didn't understand the very good relationship I have been able to develop with my XH. Amazing that the XH gets to screw my life up AGAIN and this time through no fault of his own.

I am sad and hurt and very disappointed in a man I had trusted my heart to.
But of course, I will go on and try to find some measure of happiness without him.
I mourn the loss of him everyday and I feel sorry for him because he has made such a mistake.

If you pray, please pray that I find some end to this heartache and I promise to pray for all of you.

Thanks for being here for me. Again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Fri, 06-24-2005 - 6:15am
I just have to say i read your message and though wow! Your an inspiration to all us heartbrooken people!
I have recently been dumped, it was the fifth time in a row! And although it hurts i know like you that i will get over it. I honestly believe that things in life happen for a reason. And with the good and the bad we learn.
You said in your message "I guess the reasons why he left aren't really all that important, because it all feels the same" those words really made me think. No ive not been through a divorce, but i can imagine how painful it can be and i may be wrong in sayng but your words indicated to me someone that was strong and almost resiliant to the fact that you were better than that, you werent going to go into why you broke up because you felt that it felt how it had felt previously and almost if you did go into the reasons perhaps it only prolongs the healing process. I know in the past i have gone on and on and pondered and analysed the reasons of relationships ending but one thing i have learnt is if you get it all out of your system through your friends and these message boards it gets easier and over time you learn to love again. I am so happy for you that you have a good relationship with your ex husband, not many people have that, and your right in saying it was his stupid pride! THere will be a next one, maybe this year, next year maybe not for a while but their will, and although im only 23 and i havent been through anything like you have but one thing i do know is it does get better with time and if you ever doubt that reread your own message you just sent! Ive never met you, dont know anything about you but you come across in your post perhaps stronger than you think, that although it hurts you know it will get better. And in the meantime you always have your friends and this board! Good luck!
T x
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Sun, 06-26-2005 - 9:32am
Thank you so much for your response. It does make me feel good to know that I may have helped you in some small way. Last night I had my first post break up date. It was OK and I found myself thinking about my X. I guess that is natural. I know that there is someone special for me out there. At my age (47!) it is harder to find the ONE, but I will. I do have a lot to offer and so do you, my friend. You know what I did that made me feel GREAT? I got a new hair style and went to the mall for a make over. So when I went out my date, even though my heart was not in it, I looked FANTASTIC. Every day my heart heals just a little bit more. I think I am passing through the sadness and into the angry phase. That feels so much better :) Hopefully soon, I will put this all behind me and just remember that we had some really good times together and be happy that someone so special once passed through my life. I think that age and experience (marriage, children, careers) allows me a different perspective on things than you have at 23. Thank goodness that we at least get smarter with age. Of course it doesn't compensate for the saggy boobs and that my butt is several inches closer to the ground, but there is something to be said about the knowledge you accumulate over the years and ability to process and react to lifes disappointments.
Believe me, I have cried a river over this break up. I still have more tears in me, but at least they don't flow every day. Good luck with your life and keep searching for the things that make you happy. At 23, you have plenty of time to find THE ONE.