Can't find the nerves to break up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Can't find the nerves to break up
13
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 11:15pm

Hi everyone,

I've been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now. Nothing is going "wrong" exactly, but I just don't seem to have the feelings I once did for him. I care about him so much- he's a wonderful guy and I would never want to hurt him.
I find myself attracted to other men and I don't long for him like I used to. I don't know if this is a maturity issue for me or if he's just not the one. He told me that I was the one for him and it just made me feel horrible because I'm not as certain about our relationship as he is.

My feeling is that I need to break it off because he should be with someone who does have those feelings for him. But when I think of him with someone else, I get horribly upset.

Maybe we should have time apart? How do I suggest this without hurting him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 3:41pm

I think you're going through what a lot of people go through right around this time in a relationship, when things start to get a little more real and the rose-colored glasses start to come off :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 8:47pm
Good for you for having the empathy to realize you do not want to waste the precious time of another. Feelings do not always line up. Let him go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 12:31am
That's incredibly insightful and an absolute eye-opener to read. I really do care about him. The only thing is that he's my first real, consistant relationship and I feel like I'm curious about what it's like to be with other men. It's not that I necessarily want to be with another man for a long period but I always have this urge to just date. It feels so hard for me to stick to one guy. Is it hard for everyone or do I need to explore a little before getting too serious with my bf?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 12:34am
My feelings are so up and down with him. A month ago I wanted to tell him I loved him every second. Is my disinterest temporary? I've heard of couples reaching plateaus...
I don't know how to tell the difference.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 7:13am
I believe we are all desire driven. We all have our unique bundle of wishes. When we find a companion who meets a good portion of our bundle that relates to natures mating, I do not think our eyes wonder to others. The desire is met and other males only exist neutrally (as friends) on the desire level. Your wondering eye makes me wonder whether this guy is the one who meets enough of your desire. Something to think about. Too many force love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 11:53am

"My feeling is that I need to break it off because he should be with someone who does have those feelings for him. But when I think of him with someone else, I get horribly upset"

Well deal with it! If you have doubts and want to date other men then it is his right to move on and meet someone else. If it upsets you too bad--you can't have your cake and eat it too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 3:38pm
Maybe you can just take a break and see other people for now. I just went through this actually. I'm still kind of upset too except I was the one in your bf's position. I just think it's better to break it off rather than cause more hurt for the other person. Also, if your young then just go enjoy yourself. Explain that you just need time alone. Who knows what will happen 5 or 10 years from now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 8:07pm

Be honest and tell him about your true feelings. If you start avoiding him, if will spoil the relationship. But telling someone about what you feel on his face will definitely hurt him but he will get the courage to Move on. Don't dwindle things and keep him in dark as my GF did. I would never forgive her entire my life.

Hope this helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 5:57pm
Is it really possible to find someone who makes you never interested in anyone else? Can one mate ever really fulfill ? Do you think it's possible that some people are just not meant to be in a monogamous relationship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 5:58pm
I know, I'm trying to be honest with my feelings... trying to figure out where all of this is coming from. In the past when I've not been interested in the man I'm dating, I felt happy to see him with someone else. But this time it's different. I can't figure out why.

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